myLIFE.

2009-09-09T00:50:00.002+08:00

What comes and goes.

People come and go. No matter how close you are to them. Its either the mindset,or just that they found someone better than us. But if they think they found someone better than us,are they the better people in other people's life? You think too highly about yourself,but do you think about how the people around you feel? I got to know a couple of friends around and I swear,they are like dust. They come to us when they are either bored,need helps or some other intention. So what is true friends? Are we true friends?

So what is the difference between best friend's and boy/girl friend's? They say,boy/girl friend's own each other and can do almost everything together. They say best friend's are always there for you,when you're down,happy etc. Who is really there for you? Who is the one who really understand you? Who is the one that knows you,at almost every single little thing? Who?

Nothing last forever. I agreed. Everything shall change,every second,every minute,every hour.

No. I'm not being emo or whatever shit it is. I'm stating what I'm thinking right now.

I would like to apologize to those who asked me to link them. Just having lesser time for blog. An there's nothing more to update. Life is getting bored. Not much of an entertainment. And I've yet to upload pictures. Nice.

+ I miss many. I see less. +

2009-08-26T00:29:00.002+08:00

Oh so not forgetting.

Haven't been updating at all. I know. Khai went missing. Well,I just want to share some stuff only. The last two Sundays,I went to Pulau Ubin with my dear,his sister,his sister fiance and her fiance friend. And I had fun there. I just love the scenery by the jetty. So lovely. I know I know. First time there okay? Its like our first time going far out from where we usually slack,"date" and all. But the bad part was that I fell from the bike. Bruises all over. Oh well. Its great anw..

I miss my girls. Sigh. Hey dear,I miss kissing your fuck face sia. Oink oink la u.

Anyway,to all the Muslims..

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa ehk.. Don't alasan then tak puasa.. :]

+ Don't just talk. Let's just work on it. +

2009-08-05T02:04:00.002+08:00

Shoot you down straight through you head.

If I could,I shall kill you. If I would,I shall kiss you. I'm bored,dead bored. I can't sleep. Termites in my head,through my brain. Sincerity kills when you have to lie. Like he say,lying is nice. But sometimes,not at all. Like usual,I'm talking no sense at all. Like he said before,or till now I guess,I'm dumb. Bahahahaha! No biggy. I shit. You shit. Fuck fuck fuck......

Boooooo! I vroom vroom from your back. Shitty shitty ding dong toink! Someone say he will cry if I die. Sumpah bedek. Ehk I bored. How? I'm hungry. How?

School sucks but Maths is fun. I want best gf and best buddy in class,study together,eat together,go toilet together and almost everything that can be done in school together. I miss her,I miss buddy,I miss great teachers.

+ For you I kill. For you I will. +

2009-07-31T23:18:00.002+08:00

I want a hair makeover!

I'm so sick with my hair right now. It's messy and looks dry and unkept. I want something different. I would to have a mixture of red and cappucino colour. Back to the v end shape. Layered and sexy waves. Stepping fringe. Bahahahahaah! Fuck uh. I hate my hair uh. So messy. Hopefully,my mum would treat me to a hair spa during my birthday. Oh please I would be pleased.

Today wasn't great at all in school. I must say,school really bore my ass out. Met Atikah and I must say,I miss her alot! Her cat so cute.. We chatted for almost more than an hour. Then got free show. Someone fight like no one is there. Oh well. I'm used with fightings so nothing new to me.

Dear! Engraved pendant next aytes?? ehehehehehe.. Ehk ehk don't forget your so called treat to the massage parlour next month. I'm so eager.

Pictures of you and me will be up. In few minutes from now...

+ You're blinded by her beauty. +

2009-07-22T21:33:00.002+08:00

And I shall..

I shall prove it to you. I shall prove it to all the people around me. I will and I do. Don't trust me? Fuck you. I know myself and I know it well. I will.. I will..

I will be somebody and I shall prove it to you. For you,for my family,for myself,for her,for us.. Your brain and my heart. 2 fucking years as you can see. You know it yourself. And I shall fucking prove it to me. I take the challenge. If I fail to prove it,I shall take all the consequences without a tear. I swear and I shall. Let's see for the upcoming test of mine. Settle? Deal and fucking done. Just see for yourself........

Much sincerity,
I'm Khairiyah,prefer to be called,Ell.

2009-07-09T12:22:00.002+08:00

Can't let the music stop.

I'm making a gift. But I won't be giving it,not until its over. You know what I mean. Yes,its 2 fucking years already. Happy? Of course. But,there's a hidden emotion playing hide and seek with me. Oh well. We have postpone the celebrtaion on 12 July,this Sunday. But I've no idea where to bring him. Like usual,I'm the one planning and such. Kinda fucked up but oh well. Watodo. He changed me alot,from the inside to the outside. But so what right? Everyone change. But still,I would like to be a somebody,too. I wonder who I am in my exes eyes. I wonder who I am in his eye. A junk? Or someone special? Name me fucker.

I was wondering too. What is woman honour? Girls cry for the guy who left them. Girls get raped from dogs. What is guys honour then? Lust? Oh well. I'm just too lazy to talk about this. For guys become dogs after seeing girls wearing skimpy clothes. Are you sluts? If you are,then go join Geylang. There's lot of guys you can pick from. There's dogs,there's the rich ones and of course the old faggot bastard.

School ain't fun anymore. Larry and Arnold would eventually approach me and asked to join them. But they stink. I know I'm rude. But what can you do? Fuck you!

Ain,ehk kau nie tukar url ehk?! Ape crite nie.. Haiyoo.. Anw,thanks for the wish babe. Bile mau jumpe nie! Geram aku.

+ I shall beat you down,fucker. +

2009-07-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

happy 2 years anniversary,my dear nat.

things happen real fast and we've reach our 2nd year together. my dear,i had a great time with you all these months. hopefully,today we won't fight okay? i love you.

2009-07-06T01:08:00.002+08:00

I just love editing. And I love cameras with stupid images,like me. Love you,readers. But I love nat more. Too bad. :p

2009-07-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

You're my murderer.

You kill my fats. You kill my hyper-active disorder (as if). Now you wanted to kill my love for chocolates. You even wished that I would be a vegetarian. Am I that fat? Am I? At least I don't wear the size M ok? I can still fit XS and for goodness sake I've been controlling what I'm eating. I hardly touch those snacks. pffffffffftttttttt.. PATHETIC.

School is in few hours time. Though I miss a few of the mates,but I did not miss school at all. I'm tired of saying it again. But I miss evss..

Hopefully,me and berok will succeed in forming a band together. And yea.. Sorry,my dear..

+ I shall,somehow,kill you. +

2009-07-05T02:39:00.002+08:00

I shall rip off your tongue if you can't stop bitching.

The special day is near. A day that I never did expect it to happen,eventhough I wished for it. Hopes and dreams die ever since a tragedy strikes us. I was,slowly killing my love. I am afraid if it happen,twice. Twice. twice. twice.

I can't share. Not anymore. Not even the one I trusted so much. This few days,make it a whole month straight,I can't sleep well. Late nights staring,chatting,flirting,wondering and as usual,dreaming of the sugary scenery. I would prefer keeping silence rather than bitching,backstabbing one another. This is the reason why I don't really like to befriend with girls. Especially those who is a total bitch.

Things happen unexpectedly. And also,happen for a reason. But,what is the reason? Can any fucked up fuckers tell me the answer? I'm not saying I don't,but I still do. He is the only one I have in my heart.

I miss my darlings. I miss having them by my side almost everyday,except weekends. I miss class gathering. I miss the lovely laughters and fucked up jokes.

Hey dear,today is Sunday. How many more days uh? ahah.. i love you,my short man!

+ Necklace of love. +

2009-06-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

One after another.

I'm currently venturing money crisis. Not even a single cent in my hand. Mum has been cooking either vegetables or maggie. Fuck siol!

Indeed I'm a lazy ass. I don't like house chores. I use to but not anymore eversince my little fuckers always messed up the house. I know I like mopping floors and cooking. Its fun anyway making the floors wet and clean. Mum,dad and now boyfriend has been nagging and I guess its time to set ne rules around the house. I show you who I am!

Hopefully,things shall change into a better one. One thing for sure,I hating washing clothes!!! Seperating colours and quality. Tsskkk.. That's fucking troublesome. Well,I do miss cleaning. Tsskkk.

I need money now. For me.my family and of course,quality time with my dear boyfriend.

+ I shall get back to where I end it. +

2009-06-21T15:02:00.002+08:00

Give me money and I shall be good.

Yes,I'm in the need of money. Fuck ok? Don't ask so many question. Now,my handphone is giving me problem and so does my fucking fucked up laptop. Mum hasn't been giving me holiday allowance. Sial uh! No ciggerettes no cash no nothing sia! Fuck la!

If I could,I would pick pocket and use the cash to buy my needs. If I could,I would kill myself just to kill the needs.

Fuck la!

+ You can't even provide me money. Tk gune nye parents! +

2009-06-20T02:46:00.002+08:00

Emotion strikes once you step on my foot twice.

I was thinking. Of all the people I know in the past. And all the mistakes plus the sins I've made. I remember clearly what he had told me before. A stick in between my fingers,words and advices in my head. I was being totally childish and jealous all over. The taste of regret ain't so sweet afterall. It kills the people around me and so it kills me too.

Fucked. Screwed. Screamed. Die.

I smoke. I drink. I lie. I screwed the whole shit out of me. Maybe,smoking and drinking isn't that bad. But,hurting others? Hurting physically can be cured with any medications applied. But to hurt someone at the heart,may cost you to lose their trust,friendship that was so strong as ever. But how do you cure a person heart? It will,over times to come but we can still feel the pain,onl if we were to think back. The faces of the gorgeous ladies,the faces of the charming dudes. I've lost a friend,someone that always makes me laugh. Eventhough we aren't that close before and then. Eventhough we only knew each other only for a few months. Thanks for the help and you're courages words.

Majority of the parents,goody good guys would expect a girl who doesn't smoke,drink and faithful. But,do they ever think what makes a goody good girl turns to be the bitchiest bitch fucked up ones? I guess not. For the people they love cause them to be this way. And I've my reson for being this way.

A few friends' of mine told me that they don't understand why I've to keep things to myself. For,they have yet to know me better. I really miss my friends'. But now,where are they? They didn't even call me up for any outings or plan something to spend quality time together. I may not be the one who likes to keep shut and do things together. Wear expensive clothes like a walking wardrobe,like my dear nat would say so. But what I get is bitching behind each others back. What the hell??? I may not be close with you people anymore but you know very well how I treasure you people. I may be leftout,but hey,I'm still here,waiting for your messages and calls. But not a single one. Thanks,this is just great.

Yes,I'm hinting to this people. But I would not want to expose their names here. For they should know who they are. I do believe,people change. But I only hope for the best. Those who have worsen,then its not my loss. All the best for your next life aye?

I care for you. I keep shut when you wanted to let go of your anger. And you said I'm stepping on your head? tsskk.. Now its my turn to tell you this. One day,you will see the beauty of the things I've done to you.

A man stood there,convey-ing messages after messages. Facts of life. When? Where? How? What? I keep that in mind. For you inspired me,most.

Another man,having his butt rest on the chair with a stick of ciggerettes. Convey-ing a message. With proper manners and apologising if it ever make an impact to me. Though the face expression sucks,his another inspiration.

I would be glad to listen,not answering question,from these two man.

Now,I'm cycling my way in becoming a rockstar. Dad is helping out with guitar lessons. My dear nat is helping out with vocals. I may not in a band,but hopefully I can achieve something out of this. And yes,those two are my most beloved at heart. One day,we will be somebody. All of us will. Patience,my dear.

+ I've lots more to say. But will you listen? +

2009-06-20T02:04:00.002+08:00

Its been quite sometimes huh?

Okay. I haven't been updating often eyy? I can't say that I'm busy but I might say I've nothing much to share and yea,definitely busy with kiddy games! tehehehe..

So,I had outings with my lovely Alfairah. I can't remember when is the date but I do remember what happen for sure! I remember me stuff our stomach with foods from Seoul Garden! That was the fucking first I actually step in to that kind of place to eat. Its quite expensive though but worth it too. I remember we actually make 'ice kacang' and the taste gave out a funny one. Lovely ladies'. After eating to our full,we went around Esplanade area which I can't recall the name of the place. Took pictures and laugh and talk nonsense and I remember darling Khaleeda took a video of us talking and pestering me to sing this stupid song! tssskk... After a walk around the area,we went back to Tampines and had a chat wif hot and cold beverages on our table at Macdonalds'. I must say,I miss my lovely darlings.. And I heard there's issues between those lips. bleargh~

Babes,send me those photos please.. I would like to post the pictures here including my other outings luhh.. imy darla..

Another so called outing was with my loveable boyfriend. We thought of going for a feast and yea,he wanted to eat at Seould Garden. So,we had out meals there too. The fucked up part was the overall price. We were charged for 57 fucking clicks! nyahaha! Lucky he brought extra cash. Oh we ordered something stupid but its nice. So,that will be my second time I step into that kind of places to eat.

What else.....

Oh yeah.. On Thursday,which is last two days from today. I had splendid time with these idiots. They are Kanchong spider Guss,Fanatic Kel and of course my one and only loveable boyfriend,Nat. We went to Safra and enjoy the pool game for 2 straight hours. It was great. With the stupid jokes and distraction from fanatic Kel and shorty boyfriend Nat. Oh yea.. Thanks Guss for the treat yea! And oh yea,I've beaten Kel and Guss la sia! Ok I've yet to beat my shorty boyfriend! tsskkk..

Once I received my pay,we shall go play pool again ates next week? No promises. :]

Pictures babes! I want it! Send it through my email can?? Please darlings..

+ 17 more days to our special day,sayangku nat. +

2009-06-05T00:13:00.002+08:00

I'm not you,fuckers.

You may enjoy your fucking life,but I'm not enjoying mine. I've no one to talk to,share with and go out with much. Maybe if I were to have thousands of dollars in my hand,I would have gladly go out shopping rather than being stuck in front of this laptop of mine. I'm sick of my everyday life. No joy no fun. Guitar,games,guitar,games,sleep,tv and nothing more interesting to do. Just fuck. Fuck you guys too!

+ Fuck your big mouth. Too much bitchy stuff. +

2009-06-02T20:01:00.002+08:00

What do I deserve?

If I were to share,who would care? If I were to run,who would run after?
Names given,unexpectedly. A minor mistake,had made a big flame. Why? Not being patience enough? Or just can't control the temper within?

My dear,I apologise for words that I don't mean it. I believe,I don't have the intention about it at all. Trust me,you're a good guy.

I've nothing against anything and I've forgiven her. Trust me,I do.

Thanks,my dear.

+ My head spin. My back ache. The cause of my lost in mood. +

2009-05-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

Try dig me out why.

I'm not quite in the fix. I'm angry,I'm sad,I'm lazy,I'm fucked up and I'm pissed. I don't know why. I went out alone earlier,walk around my area,walk around Sunplaza. There's no sight of friends',my friends'. His sleeping,I'm lost. No one to slack with la siol!!! Din! I miss you. Star! I miss you. Hadi! I miss you. Majid! I miss you. Kelly! I miss you. Faeza! I miss you. Ummairah! I miss you. Atieq! I miss you.

I'm sick and tired of missing people. Do you miss me??? Who miss me?? Who ehk??? Lalalalalala...

I'm bored. No one to talk,no one to joke. Fuck,no son no fun siol. Get me?? No? Kill me!

+ I need sticks of tobacco to keep me constant. +

2009-05-30T01:47:00.002+08:00

Why issit so wrong?

Urgh. I need excitement,fun,something that can make me lagh my ass out. Everyday of my life,its getting bored. What else can I do beside slack,smoke and eye-candies. June holidays is up and I've yet to plan my days. But with what,who,where? That's one major thing to think. Maybe I can meet up with old gf like Ain or Lyza,but what shall we do then if we were to go out together? Hmm..

Must I get scolding and such? Haish.. I swear I can't sleep. Not even a message of love. Great huh? I wiwsh I don't own a heart. So i won't care for anyone.

+ Kill me if it kills you +

2009-05-28T23:41:00.002+08:00

Worried and sick.

Next week will be my exam and I'm not ready. I've been playing a fool and not been focusing on my studies. Regretting is just the stupidest thing I should be in. Now,I'm catching up and remembering formulas and such. Just fucked up.

I don't find school is happening anymore. Just plain boring. I swear if I were to turn back time,I would take a course more to my interest so I can do better. Just fucked up.

I'm so catching up during holidays. An,Ard,help me out ehk? :]
Updating pictures soon enough after I'm done with neopets.

+ Life isn't wonderful anymore. +

2009-05-21T22:31:00.002+08:00

Colourful Sky.

I miss my old life. The times I use to be crazy and an idiotic bitch. The times we judge and made assumption among my lovely girls. Stupidity everywhere. ITE life may suck at certain area,and may be fun too to a certain extent. Urgh. I miss old times'.

Thanks for the concern and friendship given sweetie. You're the only person I can rely on in class. Appreciate your kindness An. :]

Seems that the dress I've been wanting won't fall in my hands. No luck on me,again. Just fcking great. Nothing great to share here except that I miss my lovely babes and my dear bf around me at most times.

+ Uncle,where's my chocolate?? +

2009-05-17T15:17:00.002+08:00

Not feeling lucky.

Goodbye lovely dress. I'm not getting the dress that I've been wanting so much. Why? I got money matter. I can't even save and I just love to buy things that I love so much. I'm totally upset mum is not lending me a few bucks for the dress.

I'm want to be alone. I don't wish to talk to anyone. Maybe a good laugh to forget the dress will do. Sorry. I'm pathetic. I'm not as lucky as you bitches. You can get whatever you want despite the cost. But I've to earn my own money to get what I deemed. And his angry at me. So not my day.

+ Fuck Paradise. +

2009-05-11T21:43:00.002+08:00

Fucking sickening.

My laptop is giving me major problems. Now,I can't update my Tagged,Facebook nor my blog oftenly. Fuck ain't it? The current laptop I'm using too gives me the fucked up feeling. I just receive the pictures of me and dear and now I can't upload it here. I just want to update pictures of us at Tagged and Facebook. Fuck la. I think I'm buying a new laptop. And I received a job!!! As a promoter!!! Wooohoooo! 6 bucks pe hour! Yahoooo!!!! Now I can shop my dresses and also buy for dear the boxer I've promised! Then I would like to buy contact lenses and make up. Weeeheeeeee!

Isn't a trade for a trade suppose to be a fair one? Must a trade of honesty with a lie? Reason forgetting is just fucking lame. For a mistake,one always remember and always remind themselves not to do it again. What the hell? My body aches like hell not a kind soul would want to give a good massage. Fuck la! I'm pissed. With laptop and the conditions in school. I was called a loner. From hyper to a lone? Wow. That's fucking different. I can't wait to end ITE life as having guys around everyday can make me cry. But don't get me wrong. I love my friends there. Especially Farhan and Ardillah and a few more chinese idiots. They are there for me when I'm in need in school. :]

Baby you ignored me and not inviting me out,that's sick.

+ The hell for you idiots! +

2009-05-05T08:18:00.002+08:00

A fucked up morning.

Hate it when I've to rush then when I've stepped in the lift,he said forget it. What the fuck?! Really. It is so sickening. I hate being kind when not really appriciated. Fuck okay? FUCK AH!!!

I'm not liking this at all. I don't feel like going to school. I hate it.

+ You don't even care. Fuck aytes? +

2009-05-03T19:59:00.002+08:00

Baby I love it!!!

I had tons of fun today dear!!! So yea,we had picnic today at Pasir Ris. We really like having our quality time and no one to disturb us at all! We did stupid stuff and take quite a number of pictures. Soon to update. Atlast! New pictures coming up! We had lunch at Burger King and I miss the taste of that Mushroom Swiss burger. Yummy! It has always been a dream and something I've been wanting so much to have a picnic just the two us dear. You're the best boyfriend I've ever had! Thanks dear for all the fun we had today!!! Love you!!!

Exam is so around the corner and I've lots to catch up and mesmerized the formulaes. Sorry my lovely darlings. Three weekends,I'm having it off. I need to study. But still,I hope we can have lunch together every Friday my lovely ladies!! Atleast,we need quality time together. And to my gorgeous Faeza,get well soon aytes. If you leg still hurts then go cut off and stick it with Angelina Jolie legs. Or maybe the nyonya that sells tissue at Orchard Road leg. ehehehe...

Can't wait for holiday! I'm so planning holidays wisely with both girlfriend's and boyfriend's!!! I love them both! Kill you both also can.

+ I'm just too happy with the day spent with sayang. +

2009-05-02T13:27:00.002+08:00

Only a few hours has past.

So yea. Bored bored bored and bored. The only word that is stuck in your mind. Seriously,its not that hard to just sit at home watch tv,gmes or maybe guitar. Unless you are a girl ah. Then help out with the stupid fucking chores ah that I hate so much to do. But atleast it occupied my time. So yea,I wanted to play a game with anyone who is online but none. So,as per normal.. Go online and find people who has a band and introduce them to his band then they share their secrets and thoughts and whatever that has to do with music. Don't get me wrong,I'm done flirting online. 'Cause evetually,I'm not meeting them nor go out together to meet and have lunch or some sort.

I've bought food for tomorrow. Gotten snacks but not yet gotten the chocolate that I'm craving for. I miss that fattening shit. I just did my 50 cruches and push up. Swear its tiring. Meeting Hadi after 5. Getting my uniform then slack for awhile until 7 maybe? Just say Hadi has lots of things to do so have to wait somehow.

Whatever. I got the agitated feeling and feel like punching people's face. Early morning,went to Mustafa Centre with family and the boys that includes my dad waited outside while we search for make up kits. Got this indian man actually followed us and keep looking at us. I was so irritated and fucked up I stare at that man and just said to him "Fuck off you fucking pundek before I call the cops." Lucky he went away. If not,I can just shouted out molest or anything that can get him into trouble. Urgh. Hate those kind of people.

His bored and his making me feel guilty. But hell,we can meet tomorrow sia. He should have known better about my dad. If I were to go out today,its impossible for me to go tomorrow. So ya,don't get me into trouble la. If nk klua,g ah. G jumpe betina mane yg boleh lyn u sumer. Aku kan sumer tkleh. Boring bitch,

Fuck uh!!!!

+ After a long time of absence from religion. +

2009-04-30T08:09:00.002+08:00

When it all falls apart.

Days has past it has been more than 3 months that I've been seperated from my girlfriends'. I swear I miss them,like alot!! After receiving the text given by Faeza,tears escape from my eye. I can't control even though I tried. I look around in my class. The guys happily laughing and distracting others while the girls kept quiet. I miss having my gf around. We would chat and joke and chat like there's no tomorrow. These days are not much fun without you girls,darlings.

Every morning is my most sickiest and most boring ever nowadays. There's nothing much I can do. Its either I sleep,cook stupid dish then throw,or just watch TV when there's nothing good to watch. This cause me to be all moody. Neither Farhad nor Fafa is online to entertainment. I wonder what happen to them. I tend to get cranky and fucked up easily. When things doesn't go my way,my mood will just automatically change.

And now,my body is aching. Its painful. And yet,no one is there to relax the strain muscle for me. Its either forget or just plain lazy. Great aye?

Fuck it ah!

+ Maybe Auntie Anne's pretzel can cheer me up. +

2009-04-27T21:37:00.002+08:00

What else can I be?

What my mum told me was just nice. I'm better off dead than living and being rude to her. What the fuck? I was asking her about my dad's payslip and she said receving money ehk? I just replied "Ader ah" and she just babble about me being rude and told me off to feed myself and such. Just two words and she said I'm rude? It pierce through my heart real bad and I feel like breaking all the furniture in my house. But I can't do that right? If I did,it'll ended up me paying all the shits back. I need money and that's the reason I'm being stingy. I want to buy things for my neccessities that both my parents can't afford for me. I'm not allowed to work at Starbucks. They don't give me money when I wanted to go out. It sucks to have this kind of family. How I wish my parents would be like Faeza's parents. Understanding. My family,they suck hardcore. I swear,I'd rather die than having this kind of family. They don't even notice when I'm dissapointed in them. I'm a useless daughter. And I'm just a dog to them. Giving the money that I will be receiving from school to them. Not even you,my dear,will understand the reason why I'm being this way. Cause I lied to much. I hide to much. But rarely people would notice how much I would care for the ones I love.

And I though this year will be the happiest year of my live as I'm turning 17. But it ended up this way. Thanks alot,my dear parents'.

+ I would be glad if you were to kill me. +

2009-04-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

If it means alot to you

I just had a great time with my darlings,ALFAIRAH!!! I swear I miss them. So yea,we went out for lunch. We had 'Rojak India' and really it makes me full. After talking and sharing some jokes and laughters,we head to Polyclinic. Eventually,Faeza got rashes at her armpit so she wanted to get some medicine to put on. Ok! Not at armpit la! At her hands and legs. Just rashes,nothing serious. After her date with the doctor siow,we went off to Tampines 1. We walk around the mall. Entering from shop to shop. And I saw a huge teddy bear!!! I swear I fall in love with that idiot stuff!!! Feel like swiping away my nets just to get bloody idiot! Ahahaha! So Khaleeda,standard went to the CD shop to check out new Korean/Japan/Taiwan movies/drama. Ehehehe.. Ummairah,standard as always. Silence struck her almost every minute. Wonder what is she thinking ehk.. Hmmm.. We shared Aunt Annie's Pretzel for a snack. Ok sorry,I'm not sure about the spelling. So yea,its delicious! I'm getting one if happens that I've cash and wanted to have a snack. After that,we head off home. Aww.. I miss them. And eventually,the timing is quite short. Must have picnic ladies!!! Only after you're second major exam ladies'..

Met my 'I've a ulat as a boyfriend' and had another second round of food. I had fried mee and my dear ulat had fried kway teow,I guess. And standard,I can't finish up my food. Too full. So,ulat ate the remainings. Thanks ulat! Settle down at a void deck with Big Gulp and ciggarettes and chat our ass off. And ulat is complaining. While I can't complain. Ulat btol! Bagi burung mkn aru tau..

Mum and Dad is fighting. Like what the fuck? Mum let her heart out at me. And dad,as always sitting by his fucking new and better laptop. Well,I just told my mum I never had that grateful thought towards dad. Which means,I'm not grateful at all to have a father like him. With his attitude and the way he thinks,its sick. And hurts badly. Right now,I'm not in the right state of mood. I need some laughter to get rid off my chest. I can't complaining. Not that I can't. It will just fell on deaf ears and not understanding ones. Just fuck. Fuck! Get it? I've yet to get my sport/running shoe. And I wanted to get a hair treatment badly. It has always been a big want eversince I was in since sec 2. My hair condition is getting worse. Dry and unkempt. Can't be help. And I actually had to use Baby Johnson shampoo due to my shampoo is empty and I'm cashless to get one bottle for myself. Ok by right,not cashless. I need to save up. Urgh! I'm hating this.

I'm having a problem. A problem of how to get rid of the troubles of my chest and money. Errgggghhhhhh!

+ No more councelling session for me. +

2009-04-23T11:12:00.002+08:00

Big test coming up.

Been busy with Neopets lately and I know I'm like back to Primary 6? Somewhere there. I didn't realise that Sallimi was at the same schooling as me until I bumped onto him. Happy for awhile then,its like whatever ex-boyfriend. But whatever it is,I miss my girlfriends'. I actually joined Floorball as my CCA. Weird ehk? I thought of joining soccer but got audition so,I'm not up for audition. Shy!

Di is acting weird lately. His giving me cold shoulders. Ergghh!! Farhan and Ard is still the best guy in class. Looks like Samir has forgotten his friends now. I've nothing to talk about but just what I want. I want a sport shoe,new laptop and a new dress. Ergghhh! I hate when it comes to money matter. I need a job now. Sales line please. Dad keep talking rubbish about Starbucks. Hate you to a certain extent dad!

Tomorrow I'm meeting the girls!! Yayeee!!!!! Excited! Miss them alot! Any secondhand laptop for sell? My budget 200tits. :]

SYS losers and winners.

+ Rule No. 1 - Be a true Anchovies. Not a human. +

2009-04-19T19:28:00.002+08:00

A disgrace to the name rock? Maybe.

Heard the song title Let it rock by Lil Wayne and this not really popular band? Dear thought that its giving rock a bad name. After hearing it times and times again. I could almost agree with him to a certain extent. Geeshh...

Currently,I'm at my dad's fleamarket. Its quite boring and its fucking heaty here. Though there's no sun,its heaty. I can smell people's sweaty and unshaved armpit. I can faint siolololo!! I'm in the need of ciggerettes right now. I'm going off to buy a pack now.

+ Lelong!! +

2009-04-19T11:31:00.002+08:00

Nothing new.

Maybe we were this happy? Or just normal? Ok sorry. No new pictures to update. If I were to own a camera,I would take pictures on every outing I've went. So yea. Fuck it. Yesterday,we went out to Orchard Road Shaw House to catch a movie title Taken. Its fcuking awesome! Its a must watch movie!! Cool..

Then we went to Pasir Ris and get ourself an engraving ring,finally! Ehehehe.. But then again,wasted. No pictures of us. Mendark. Went kiasu for awhile. Happy siol! So yea. Went back to Tampines and had our dinner at Cultural FoodCourt. And I feel fucked up 'cause I can't finish up my food. Irritatig sia! I can't finish up my food anymore sia. I believe I love food. But not finishing up is the worst part. Thanks uh tummy.

So yea,fleamarket again later but I'm not going. My mum is going to but for me this cute dress that cost 8 bucks. Yayeee!!!

Ok no new pictures. SUCK TO CORE! SUCK YOUR OWN BLOODY COCK! Ok doesn't make sense at all. :]

+ You give love a bad name! Ahahahah! +

2009-04-17T17:23:00.002+08:00

Dust covered with dust. Truth covered with lies. Why?

Some say truth hurts. Some say lies hurt more. So which doesn't hurt ones worst? To me,its both. And to avoid these things,its better doing the right thing rather than things that will hurt one another. Things happen unexpectedly. When you trust,they betray. Why?

Many things happen,but maybe I'm too dumb that I would want things to be this way. Maybe I trusted so much that ones tend to betray. Bitten once twice shy,you say. But what's this? Though I can't accept,I keep shut. I don't want to drag. I hate fights. Fight causes one to cry,heartbroken and such. What does this leads to? Break up. Not more not less,says breaking up isnt the solution. You say,breaking is one of the solution. Somehow,I would want to think like you.

I complained. I whined. But the regrets come once a while. Patience,I've plant in my heart,my mind. To God I ask,why? Once a guy told me,choose wisely my dear. I've choosed this. What for should I go when my heart needs you? You can never understand this. You're my strength when I'm weak despite this shits told. Though facts hurt,I've to face it. But when it comes to a lie,I cry. What the hell did I do wrong here? I never did taken this as something you said,suffer. People may think and say I'm suffering. But the fact is,is just me what to choose. Not you decide. I'm happy as it is. I'm sad,when it comes to this.

For what has been told,I've listened and understood. Maybe I'm too foolish not to notice. But I believe what I've believe. Its true,its tiring to start anew. That's not just the reason why I'm here. And I believe,you know the answer. I've made a mistake,I regret. Hell I regretted. I flirt,online. I don't go out with them. Its not just the people that can be your eye,but I know my limits. I don't wish to sleep. I wish that the way I'm thinking now could stay. But I know,once I'm asleep,I would dream of living in fantasy. And all the things I've accepted,I would disagree. But one thing I know for sure,though you're unique and some say weird,I love you for they way you are. I may not accept things you've done,but I hope you know what hurts me. I don't mind hearing you babble but I mind if you betray my trust.

You're different in many way. And I've loved you the way you are. Like you said,little things make a big impact. And you've made me notice it. I'm sorry for all the words I said to you that hurts.

+ Love? Its a wonderful thing and also the hurtful thing. +

2009-04-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

Back to the death bed.

I'm back online once again! Its a big hurray!!! I miss going onine at night. A week holiday left and no internet kills me at night. I spend most of my nights wondering,thinking,dreaming and prank calling unknown numbers. I miss chatting online and read people's blog. Now,school has started and I can't sleep late nights anymore. Its either I'll be sleepy during lessons or getting screwed by him. So yea,fuck ah!!! Wasted a week without internet. But atleast I've been practising with my guitar and has abit of improvement.

Cry less,lie more. School is a little fucked up. But overall,its fine,perfectly fine. Still,I miss my girlfriends'. Since they are busy with O'levels,I don't wish to disturb them and asking for an outing. That would be unfair.

Dear! Satuday,where should we eat?? Ishk!

+My lovely yet smelly cat is just too curios that irks me much. +

2009-04-13T08:03:00.002+08:00

Fear and faith.

DEAR! Thanks for updating my blog. *big smile for you!!*

Its been almost a week I've not been updating my blog and other websites. You know it kills. When I'm bored,there's nothing I can do anymore. Its either I strum my guitar or just read a book. I've lots to say about my fucking week but then I don't think I can right now. I'm using his laptop.

School ha started with a new semester. Soon I'm off to the darn school. I wonder how will my friends there be. 3 weeks of holiday and nothing much happen. I just miss my girlfriends.

To Ummairah,hope you get well soon. And you didn't reply o my messages! I want to visit you ok? Call me up once you're discharge. Miss you babe.

Do you miss me? AHAHAHAH! Fuck la.

My dear,you don't have to update my blog anymore ok? Pry into my life? I don't think I care much if you were to pry into my life. But hell knows better.

+ Swimming in a pool of Sins. +

2009-04-13T01:56:00.002+08:00

bleargh!

this is like my 3rd attemp to blog on ur blog. i kept on pressing the wrong button n thus deleting a very long post of mine regarding kites. well, i wanna try again but i wanna make it nice n simple. kk here it goes uhh

U! i got a cute kite here with me at home. i wanna fly it with u soon at the beach or any open spaces. but i hate the noon sun. its too hot n stuffy n humid n im hungry n bla bla bla.. u noe the list rite? well, y dont u continue my hate list. but i really wanna fly it with u itw fun sey. im not dat great with kites but hey we can learn rite? i wanna see it fly high!! its fun! n cute n sweet n fun n hot n humid n stuffy n im hungry again.. well dear get me a sunblock n food if u must so dat i dont get cranky n such

my 18th goin on 19th dream is almost here! i've done my atm n such. im soon to get on to my bike license! n im sure dat when i pass it my sis will award me with a cute bike. i dont care wat uh aslong as it moves n doesnt have a fucking loud sound will make me orgasm without even touching my dick. well, its almost there, i can feel it n see it. nyahaha

guy first love is on wheels not heels. but still i wanna share it with u. i wanna go round n round with u even if its at the carpark of ur house or even mine. i dont care nor do i give a fuck. DEAR! wish me luck ayes on my bike thingy?

i've updated ur blog already.. happy? nyahaha till here then. im lazy to type more
with hidden love, nat

2009-04-13T01:39:00.002+08:00

I read your mistakes

i have my reasons for not updatin this blog of urs. its not dat i dont frigin care bout u n ur nonsensity towards me or perhaps even ur views on life itself. i just hate to pry on ur life. its the curiosity dat fucking kills. i read ur stated mistakes past n present. i just hate it when i get curious.

trust me when i say dat i can lead life to the day it was back then. but for what? even if i can fucking pause the time, i can never make it go back to the day it was. never.

2009-03-30T23:17:00.002+08:00

What's left for me?

I feel like a junk. Useless as ever. I've nothing better to do. No invitation to slack. No calls to share their stories. His out,working for 21 hours today. All I feel is just restless. I don't think people need me or want me anymore. They only need me when they need help,advices,opinions or entertaining them,like him for an example. But me,none gives me that entertainment. Urgh. Its eating me.

7 different countries. That's my dream and I want to achieve it. Don't care if I'm married or attached. I would love to go around the 7 different countries with the person I deemed. What's the need of being a bachelorette when the fact is you're attached? Having atleast 5 social escort? Urgh. Maybe guys just love the sick satisfaction. Just maybe they just love making their partner jealous and crying their heart out. Of course,not all guys are the same. But where can we get those who is faithful and of course,trustworthy? Major of it are just jerks and fuckers. And I don't find a need to wonder why some girl's would call themself as butch/endro/lesbians. 'Cause guys,sometimes just doesn't deserve ones loyalty. May love can't buy love,but atleast money gives happiness,to a certain extent.

Insecure. That's the thoughts and feelings I'm having. But he can never get this feeling. Why? His not even afraid. Me? Forget about me. I'd rather smoke my ass off and spend my life doing nothing.

Not even a single text saying goodnight. Busy much? Another busy man coming right up to join those fellas. I'm not in a right state of mind.

+ You're not here anymore. Alone,I presume. +

2009-03-29T01:07:00.001+08:00

Just what's wrong?

I'm bored here and you're there having fun. Fuck ah!

Just what is wrong with me? And what is wrong with the people around me?! URGHHH!!!!!!!

+ I'm going crazy. +

2009-03-26T21:39:00.002+08:00

Where are they?

Did I miss the friends' who is always there for me or just the company they gave it to me? Maybe its both. I'm bored to death. I've nothing else to do beside meeting bf,guitar and online games. Atleast,tomorrow will be a tiring day for me. I'm going to meet the 502 people in the morning and cheer thingy at the evening. But what shall I do next week? Five days straight. Mum planned to go Arab Street to compare prices of the fabrics there. But then again,only a day will be occupied. Urgh!

Nurul Ain!!!! I miss you!!! Call me up la!! I bet you're having holidays too right? If you're reading this,call me up tau!!! We catch a movie and have lunch/dinner together. Anywhere will do. Aytes babe?

And last,there will be another man that will call himself a busy man. Another busy man in that group of friends. What the hell? This is what girls saying,found a new friend forget the old ones. Hell. I'm hating this.

+ What wonders can you show me? +

2009-03-25T14:58:00.000+08:00

this is just fucked up! fuck fuck fuck!!!

2009-03-23T22:40:00.002+08:00

My life will suck without you.

I don't feel quite right. I feel like vomitting and I swear my head feels heavy. I think there's a cow sitting on it. Fucking fat cow I presume. I've had my dinner and ate my panadols. Yet the feeling is just sick. My nose is like a running tap. It keeps flowing and itched like hell. My nose is red and dry. I hate this feeling. I swear,this sickiest feeling kills my mood. I feel like shouting out loud and dig my stomach out and check out what causes me have this pain in my stomach. I need a massage and not even a single caring soul would do it for me. Fuck la!

I swear I feel uneasy. Fucking uneasy.

+ In need of someone. +

2009-03-22T02:25:00.002+08:00

Breaking free

My mind is just too full that I hardly sleep. I too wonder. Is there anyone thinking about me right now? Is there any soul who wished to be with me? Be it a lesbian,butch or endrow.

I look at my cat,and wonder. What is he thinking. What is he dreaming of. I look out of my window. And I wonder,what the hell is that person thinking. What kind of problem is he venturing. I look at my dad,and sometimes I thought of asking him. What do you see in mum. And me,I have no idea why am I thinking this way. Did my fever struck my brain and make me think this way? I'm wide awake. And what I need,and listening ear and a good laugh.

And there is so many things I've feared. And I bet I can go crazy if this carries on.

I was reminded at the time I hate mum going to work. I was afraid mum will give dad less attention and dad will go wild. I had imagine alot of shit and I was half ready to see what's next for me,for my family. And now,I feel like knocking my head at the wall and faint and when I woke up the next morning,I own't remember a thing about the things that disrupt my mind.

And finally,Ihad some things to think.

+ I farted as if no one cares. +

2009-03-22T00:42:00.002+08:00

What I can I do to save ones heart

I'm helpless. I can only listen to her voice. I pity her. I despise him. I can roughly get the feeling of being shouted at by your own flesh and blood. The one you feed from young to a teenage. Why?

Do men appreciate women? In what way do they appreciate women? Lust? Or the love that was given? Men was called dogs. And women was called materialistic bitch. Men is heartless while women too emotional. Where's the balance? And sometime,I wonder. What will happen to me? Who is my husband? How well will he treat me? Abusive? Or loving?

Though I was just about to reach 17 of age,this thing crossed my mind. No one is keen to listen. And my mind is fully occupied that sometime I didn't notice that someone is talking to me. And further more,I'm down with fever. How's that? Like I said,not a single soul care. I shall not pursue this matter as I won't entertain. Unless you really understand what's the message I'm trying to tell then we'll talk about this thing.

+ As you're blinded by anger. +

2009-03-21T22:34:00.002+08:00

Down with fever.

I want porridge to fill up my hungry stomach. But I'm too weak to buy it myself. I hate this feeling. I hate having fever. My dad ate up all the panadols and left me nothing. Just great.

Monday,what can I do with that day? Its my holiday and I'm cashless. My mum is not going to give me money during my holiday. Why? This is just fucked up. I need to work this 3week. What kind of job that would accept this kind of shit? I'm just plain bored and unwell. No entertainment at all. Where's the people who always make me smile? And this particular person,what the hell are you showing me? What's with the cold shoulder you showed me? What wrong did I do to you? You've yet to explain. You didn't even say hie or chat with me. You gave excuses by saying you're busy or you're away. You're a big jerk.

Thanks ah ehk. Fuck you all la ehk.

+ I need a hug,a warmly loving hug. +

2009-03-17T22:55:00.003+08:00

You shithead! You cry for a wrong guy bitch!

That is just so random. No one cry. And I haven't been meeting any bitches this few days. You know how sick I am? Urrgggghhhhh! I can't be me. No more lame jokes. No more crappy shit I can do. My life can be nothing but shit! Is this life ongoing 17? Fuck la. No cash,no bicycle where I can cycle through anywhere I want. Not even any activity for me.

Oh I shall just sign up for soccer and photography. Better off than doing nothing at home or slacking under a void deck smoking and keeping silent. And school,since this week many will not be coming to school,I shall just stay at home or maybe sit by the sea and watch the sea dance. Oh I even talked to ants. They are very hardworking I must say. And ya,I'm selling clothes for fucking 5 dollars,skirts for fucking 8 dollars and bangles in different sizes,pattern and in different price. Interested? I shall post the picture when I someone lend me their cameras. My handphone,it doesnt really gives out good pictures. Still,I love my handphone.

EHK I'M BORED LA!!! On for pool and movies anyone??

+ Lick my feet after I dip it with shit you fucking loser! +

2009-03-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

Drool over it.

And school was boring as usual. Just entertaining some lame jokes and lame stories from the dicks. And I actually slept for half an hour due to boredom. But wait,I actually drooled on my lap!!! That is so fucked up! Lucky no one notice it! Bleargghhh... I miss sleeping in my old classroom in the old east view sec.

Karaoke ladies'? I'll be waiting for the day babe! Can't wait!! Call me once you have set the date and time! Okie Alfairah?!??? ehehehe..

Saturday and Sunday,4pm to 10pm. Fleamarket. Below the MRT track rail,opposite TM.

Can't wait to watch movie with my dear shorty cute cute bf this Sat! Syg dier la!!!

I'm bored. So does my boyfriend.

+ My pet kitten,KIKIIUUUU! +

2009-03-09T01:17:00.002+08:00

Pain.

One can never understand ones heart. Like this saying,life is unfair. Tears. Sometimes,they cry 'cause they are totally upset,dissapointed. They can't rebel,they are afraid of losing something,someone. They are weak,cowards. But people misunderstood it. Got screwed up instead of needing a shoulder,got criticised instead of needing a listening ear. Why? I bet everyone cry.

I'm trapped. I'm fucked up. These few days,no entertainment at all. None call up to ask me out. What's this? If only I have more of girl friends' rather than guy friends'. Why? Someone will jus think that its unfair for him. He had less girl friends' but I have more guy friends' than expected. Its irritating. This matter drag me from not going to school. Why? My friends' are all guys for goodness sake! I don't find it fun! To some bitches,its fun. They feel popular in a way. They get all the attention. Fuck it! What for do you need to think this way? I was accused in a way. And I don't think its fair for me. I don't asked for this.

You're not the only one who needs the entertainment
The taste of your satisfaction
I'm here searching for excitement
Yet you ignore the fact that you kill my expectation

+ Can't I?

2009-03-07T14:05:00.002+08:00

Company.

Somebody save me from this boredom! Its fucking eating me! I'm unhappy with things today. Happy anniversary dear.

Anybody can accompany me take some stuff from the airport then go 'lepak'?? It has always been like this. Whenever I can be home atleast by 9pm,none is free to entertain me or taking this advantage by spending time with me!

FUCK LA EHK!

+ You horrible fucker! +

2009-03-07T00:49:00.001+08:00

money.

money can kill people's life. money is always a spark to a fight. money makes people go crazy. money. anyone disagree to this?

2009-03-06T22:16:00.002+08:00

Time goes by without noticing the date.

In few just few hours,it will be our 1year 8months together. I swear I didn't notice the date until I was dead bored earlier this morning at around 12.30am,counting my days since I was born.

A few asked,how did I ever get hold of Nat's attitude? The way he bahaves. His temper. At times,he may eat up all of my patience. And at times,he just love screwing me up. But his special to me. He may have this attitude that many will disliked. But when it comes to being lovely or sweet,he approach it in a different way.

At first,I can't accept the way he thinks. But as time goes by,I'm used from the way he sees things and judge things. Only at certain times,I can't accept for who he is. Maybe I myself wasn't in a fix and he too wasn't in a fix that cause us to fight like fuck.

He is someone I would look up to when I'm unhappy. He is the person I always call love. He is the man in my life,my current teenage life. He,whom people address him as Nat,my dear Muhammad Taufik.

+ Love is wonderful,only if you found the gold. +

2009-03-05T22:34:00.002+08:00

After all.

I can't think of something to post about today. What I'm thinking right now is about my life I've went through all the years. 16 years of life,soon to past. I'm turning 17 yet I still want to be a child. When I was young,I was badly bullied by my friends. I swore I was a crybaby back then. I'm a stubborn little girl,to a childishly stubborn teenage girl.

I enjoy making fun out of something. Even it is stupid of me to do that. I don't care what people might think of me. All I care,is my own satisfaction.

It all started when my sister was born. She's the attention of my parents. Pampered is the word for her. For me,I do my own things. Whenever my sister cry,I would take her botle of milk and put it under my mum's bed. But before putting it,I would hide behind a curtain and finish the milk first. I love milk. Once I ate half of my sister's nestle cereal,which is very tasty,when I was feeding her. I hate her at first.

When I was in kindergarten,I remembered. I hit my head on my dining table and had a hole in the middle of my eye. The upper bone of my nose,a litlle lower from my eye brow. Blood flow like a running tap. I know I wanted to eat and I get up to get tissue but I run towards the table. After I got hitted,I walk to mum who wanted to pray. She panicked and call my dad up. Got into a taxi and drive off to Elias Mall for a stitch at a clinic. It wasn't pain at all. I only felt the pain when mum cleans up the wound. Its funny though. I look funny back then with a plaster in the middle of my eye brow. I was embarassed at first. But I knew,no one bullied me back then.

Second year in kindergarten,I tried something new. I hit a boy head with a thick paper,rolled. I guess I hit him hard that he cried. My teacher talked to me about the incident but I ended up talking with a fly rather than listening to my teaher. Weird ain't it? Talking to a fly? I've no friggin' idea.

It was racial harmony day and the students was told to wear traditional costume. I remember I slapped a boy. But no idea what's the cause of it. I swear I've no idea what the hell I'm thinking back then. And my best friend,Nurul Ain. Till now we still keep in touch. Love her,though.

But that's not it. I've more to talk about when I was in primary school. I shall continue during my free and not lazy hours. Have fun reading about my stupid years of life! :]

+ I miss my kitten. +

2009-02-28T14:24:00.002+08:00

Made for you.

The sickening feeling I've long felt. I've to lose weight. Though I did my skippings and other workouts,it just doesn't make any different. I'm short plus fat equals,UGLY! Fuck ain't it? Even if I did put an effort towards it,no one will know. And soon,he will be enjoying his drink. I'll be the one losing my happiness for the month,year,oh whatever. Who cares anyway? Fuck it. I hate this. Anyone sweet and caring fuckers or bitches would like to be my fitness trainer? The one who would stand for me? Anyone who would be sincerely enough to help me and always be there for me! Plus,not hurting me in a way. Ahahaha! Fuck fantasy. Fallen dreams.

I had fun yesterday. Went out with my dearest girlfriend's,FAEZA,UMMAIRAH and KHALEEDA!!! We had our lunch at KFC which eventually saw a handsome guy! *melts* We walk around Century Square and bought earrings and ear studs. Walk around Tampines Mall and played around in Toy'R'Us and afterwhich headed to Faeza house to see Obesity/Britbrit. Her new pet rabbit!!! Cute la seyy! That cute rabbit made my day for awhile. It lick my hand! Cute cute cute!!! I want one too! But the dissapointing thing is that Mai can't tag along. Blearggghhh..

Thought of heading home after that but mum called me up to buy food for dinner. So I tagged along and I'm dead tired at night. I bought a new shoe!! Yayee!!! And a dress caught my eye.. I'm so getting it. Saving up time!!!

Night falls and wanted to hear ghost story from station 89.7fm or 98.7fm.. I don't which one is it but then,I fell asleep after hearing the laughs of the banshee.

And boyfy did his stuff while I do mine. Monday lepakk tau kawan2!!! Don't change plan ok?

+ Lovely day for the day. +

2009-02-26T22:44:00.002+08:00

School won't be fun without true friend's.

Reminiscing the days,the years we spent together on a bus ride to my school makes me cry. Tried so hard to control. But lucky no one notice or it will be a big shame. I swear,I miss my dearly friends'.

Before I went to school,I've made a visit to East View. The first person I saw and heard shouting my name,Faeza,followed by Ummairah. When I hug them,I swear I miss them so much. I miss having them by my sides. The school brings alot of memories. I still remember the hideouts when we skipped classes. The dirty toilet where me and my sweet darlings smoke. And the canteen,where we eat,looking at hot guys during our sec 2 lifes. And I went crazy for this guy,which is my ex now,due to his hot-ness.

My school now,ITE East,Simei. Is just mundane,almost each and everyday. Many will think that it will be fun to study in that big campus as there's Pool/Billiard/Snooker table,swimming pool,multimedia centre where you can just use the comp as and when you like,gym and also having more than 2 cafe's in the school. But than,the thing is,it won't be fun without a true friend or maybe atleast a close friend with you to enjoy the days' spent there. Like me. In my class,I'm the only malay girl and my chinese girl friend's doesn't seem that they want to hang out with me or something. They prefer among the chinese guy's. It may get fun after awhile with my guy friend's but it'll get boring and insecure. Though I trusted them,still my bf don't really know them.

The girl's of 403(08) are the girl's I tresure most in my heart. They are my true friend's despite their ugly attitude at times and though I admit my attitude is uglier then theirs! And the guys there,Ashraf is still the best for me.

And oh,Ardillah,thanks for the concern . Ahahha! Sungguh tidak disangkekan.

+ Let the memories stay. +

2009-02-25T21:33:00.002+08:00

Let me paint you love.

Get me any digi cameras and I shall put up alot of pictures here. Or probably I would camwhore the whole day with friends' or loved ones. I'm just bored. And I'm back on Neopets! Childish ain't it? But what do I care anyway? Its fun. And it doesn't even bother you. Bleeaarrrgggghhh...

I'm so missing my girlfriend's!! And currently I'm excited and can't wait to meet them tomorrow at school! Lalalalala...

My days' at school is just fine. Atleast my guy friends' there keep me entertain. Lucky I'm used hanging around with guy friend's so having a new guy as a close friend doesn't make me feel akward. And I'm liking projects. Its fun. But abhor theory. Sick! I hate Physics!!! Fuck Physics!!!

Oh I need a massage. And a new hairstyle. Ahahaha!

+ I miss cheerleading. +

2009-02-22T22:01:00.002+08:00

The urge of need.

Ok I've made up my mind. I'm so having tongue piercing. But the problem is,who can do it for me? If I were to have at a shop,it will cost tens of bucks. I've yet to pay the bloody MRT fines. Should I pierce it myself? Or just ask any random people do it for me? Bleargghhh.. $500. Where can I get that money?

I'm just getting bored each and everyday. I've been drawing dumb things to make me smile. Art is always in me. Oh maybe,just maybe I just miss doing things that got to do with art and creativity,that I want to have piercing and such? Ok just plain nonsense.

I'm going crazy! Any big shots who can pay for my fines?!!! Arrgggghhhhh!

+ Hit me hard as I'm losing control. +

2009-02-22T00:21:00.002+08:00

I took thousands of colouful chocolate rice to paint my walls.

Get it? Oh just fuck it. I'm not in the mood 'cause I keep losing in Solitare. Just irritate me! Oh I'm addicted to card games. It's been days' I've last updated. Reasons,Solitaire took up my time 'till I'm to sleepy.

I miss Starbucks Parkway. I miss the people there. I miss blending drinks and serving drinks to a customer who enjoys drinking it. I miss that feeling. I want a laugh. A good laugh. I miss my dear,my dearest boyfriend whom I loved eversince I got to know him well. I miss being loved so dear that I can just hug that particular person tight.

There's nothing else I can do except staring at the sky and imagine stuff. I miss a friend. Who use to be there when I'm in need of help. Who teaches me numbers and formula's. Who is so crazy beyond words.

Take a look at this world. What can the world give you? What can you give the world? Do you appreciate for all the things that the world has given you? Do you appreciate the love that you've gotten from someone you cared for?

+ Music has a heartbeat. +

2009-02-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

Faking it.

It seems that I've not been updating often like I used to. Its just that my life is getting bored. Though,a few made my day,but none has completed my day. I've yet to complete my school project work and tomorrow I've to sit for a re-test as I didn't do well for my test. Fuck it. Its all Physics and wirings. My girlfriend's will surely know that I hate Physics. But then,I miss Maths. Ehehehe.. Miss Simultaneous Equations!

For my day today,it was fine. Did some stupid work that was told by my fugging teacher. And I help my friends' with their project work. Ahhh! Just stupidity! But I enjoy playing 'tai ti' with them! Out of 7 rounds,I only lost 2 times'! Wehehehe!

Oh yea.. Next month,I'll be having flea market! Bangles,ear studs and a few clothing will be on sale! I'm selling bangles for all unisex wear. Its like those thick ones. The metalcore,rock people would put on. We're selling for less then 10 bucks. For more enquiries,ask me from my tagboard aytes? No spammers please. Spammers suck their father cock! Loser,fucker!

+ Dear,do you even ____ me? +

2009-02-15T19:05:00.001+08:00

and we didn't even take a photo of our outing yesterday.

wtf? what a waste. the ache totally drives me crazy. sweet-less. taste-less.

+ just kill me. +

2009-02-15T16:26:00.002+08:00

Controled Emotions.

What is Valentine's to you? As you read his blog,he has stated it all. What are we celebrating it for then? I find it pointless now. Oh well,the day has past. I've celebrated Valentine's 3 times now. 1 with my ex and 2 with my current bf. So,we just catch a movie and blablabal. Pointless for me to share my day with you fucker's here you see. Its pointless me being sweet and romantic now. I guess my day's of being pampered is over. I'm turning 17 soon. And my happy day's will be over too. Its time to get back to reality. As you can see my love life is much mature then me.

I'm a shame to the name female. I'm not matured enough. All I ever want is to be pampered,loved and get all the attention from him. What the fuck am I thinking?

I miss my friend's back in secondary schools. Though I may not get what I want,atleast I can get all the laugh and all the stupidity I can do to vent my anger out. Now,I feel bad about celebrating Valentine's Day.

+ Heart ache. +

2009-02-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

Tears of joy.

Firstly,Happy Valentine's Day to all couple's in the world and Happy Friendship Day too all my friends!!!

Okie. Finally,my black TG-M guitar is fixed and I'm back strumming it again! My another guitar has a crack beneath the machine head. Thanks to my fucking siblings! And so,thanks to my dear he fixed both my guitar! Thanks syg!

Well,I really miss having Faeza around in class. It's really boring to mix around with guys the whole hour. I can't really go crazy with them. It's just plainly boredom for me at school!!!

Congrats to my dear,his going to RP very soon. Oh darn.. When will be my turn to enter poly. School is just sick now. But though its sick,I do laugh to some lame jokes of Di and Ard. Just love them. So called,temporarily best friend. :]

I'll be looking forward for a good and memorable day today. Love you so much my dear! And I miss you so much my darling FAEZA!!!

+ She do remember me. +

2009-02-09T19:14:00.002+08:00

Dear Dairy..

My life is just bored like always. And yesterday,I went jogging with dear and my leg is fucking tired. And I totally forget I had PE today. And my leg got worse. But eventually,I had to do skipping as I lie that I had a cramp on my right leg to get attention so too bad for me.

My dairy is full. There's no more pages left for me to write down my sorrowness. So,it's time for me to buy a new book so I can continue jotting down my effing life.

Time will tell what happen. If you really love someone eventhough knowing people change,and knowing you wasted many many months,you will stay to show your faithfulness.

One thing for sure. I hate myself for being fat. I don't even have the stamina to run for atleast 10 minutes. Why can't I be like other fucking girls? I know my leg can stand the pain. But I can't breath properly. There's a pierce in my lungs/heart which I don't know where. Don't keep emphasis it again and again. Its really enough for me. I really wished that I was slim. Its really fucked up. And its not easy to win your heart.

Does making one sad and keeping all the pain to itself makes one happy?

+ My tear makes you angry. +

2009-02-07T16:52:00.002+08:00

Stains of blood.

Nothing please me today as you can see my day is filled with just food and food. I'm so not going to stuff all the food in my stomach! And so,I smoke and smoke in my room until Im left with only 3 sticks. I think its time for me to buy a carton atleast. My pay is out. And I find it pointless for me to keep it. What am I suppose to keep it for? License? It will be a year away and I can earn again. What should I do with the money? How about treating people to movies or eat at expensive restaurant so I can spent my money till $0 dollars? Oh well.. Oh I just get myself a new guitar. That will do. The rest of my money,I give it to my mum then.

And not forgetting...

Happy anniversary to my dear nat and also seri and hafiz!! May you both last long so I can call seri aunty!!! Ahahaha!

Okie I'm fucking bored. I want to go play pool or karaoke. Anyone want to join me? FUCK IT!

+ Dracula as a husband. +

2009-02-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

What the fuck?

Have you got any balls? This really pissed me off. You use to chat with me nicely and now giving me shit? Boy I'm not a child anymore. Whatever shit you've said,I understand. In condition whether you favour them then you'll smile? Fuck it. What wrong did I just do to you? For all I knew there's nothing! The last we chatted in a friendly manner was 3 months back. And now,you talking shit to me. Hey,like you said,what past is past. Why can't we just be friends' right now? You're the most snobbish ex-boyfriend I've ever had! Muker jekk lawa tpi prangai sundalans. If you ever enter my blog and read this shit,then I must say,tak perlu ah.

But then,I still remeber. You're the first though to give me gifts during Valentine's. For all I knew,I've never celebrated Valentine's. I hate Valentine's. The little yellow bear and a fake rose. Ahaha! What's the use reminiscing the old days' when you're acting cold towards me. Grow up 17 turning 18 boy!

+ And I want to watch love movie. +

2009-02-05T08:04:00.002+08:00

Sweet at first tase,sour after flavour.

I'm fucking pissed off with what actually happen yesterday. I hate people putting words in my mouth and acusing me something that has got nothing to do with my motive. Kemaruk sial aku kene. Tak sakit hati?

If don't want to meet,just say. Kemaruk? If you find it wrong to show off you around,then fine I'll stop. There's no point for me to give you hints to what I actually deemed for when you keep misunderstanding it. Fuck it. Useless I must say. If you ask me to speak up,then I'll say forget it. It'll just hurt more.

And I apologise to Aisyah and Faeza who is expecting me to come tomorrow for dinner. I don't really have the mood to go out and the time is not stable. Firstly,my school ends at 5pm and if I get go out,I need to reach home by 9pm. Sick ain't it? Fuck la. Seriously I've no mood at all.

Any plans on Saturday? I want to go out. Maybe I shall go back to my old workplace and slack there. Or just slack at park? I don't know la. Fuck la.

+ No point hinting when his blind. +

2009-02-04T20:44:00.002+08:00

Phantom of the toilet.

That is a random picture of me and my sis taken. And I got white and shiny teeth! Today was quite a fucked up day for me. I don't know why I feel so irritated and angry at almost everything. Luckily there's Danial,Yunus,Jay Chou,Rusydi and the 2 fuckers make me smile. And I almost punch Fariq's face. His fucking fuck to the core.

What 'causes me to be this way? I wonder. And now I'm pissed. And I really feel like biting someone. I'm going for another piercing at my ear and so getting myself a ring and a necklace.

+ Assure me with what you've got. +

2009-02-03T19:51:00.002+08:00

Andai ku bisa capai awan

akan ku petik bintang untukmu

Andai ku bisa nyatakan erti cinta

akan ku tunjuk cinta itu pada mu

Walaupun engkau bukan

Mimpi indahku

Engkau tetap

Indah di hidupku

+ + +

Maniac fuckers.

My day was filled with craps. Atleast,my schoolmates made my day ok. And I'm sick looking at my class advisor also known as form teacher face everyday,every single hours in school. And she just love calling my name. What a sick nyonya!

I love my dear Nat.. He's almost my everything.

+ Pray I'll stay strong. +

2009-02-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

The hearts of diamonds.

-XLR Camera,snapping every memories
-Acoustic guitar,music is beautiful
-New laptop for me to access every shit of my account
-A pair of denim and black jeans,too pathetic to only own A skinny jeans
-More above knee dresses,lady like rather than too simple
-Black lipgloss oh so lovely
-Necklace to put on
-A beautiful ring that suits my skin
-Earings,so I can cover up the little holes at my ear
-Bags that suits my clothing

Just being random. I'm bored as always. Boyfriends is sleeping his ass off. Those are the things I want. But I know,this will take me more than a year by saving up to get those shits. And I'm not being materialistic. Its just a random piece of shit. Oh I'm bored-less shit.

The light that caughts my eye
Showed me a prodigy
A prodigy where my love ones die
In such tragedy

Candles all around her
Showing your love with a gift
Tears of happiness
Joy for love.

+ Random shit shit kambing biri biri shit! +

2009-02-01T23:32:00.002+08:00

Trust me. She'll love it.

I've a theif to catch. A bag full of Pilot pen is gone and so those the China handphone. It went missing after the "kenduri" held at my house last year. And many suspect it was my cousin. Bloody fuck. Stupid. Bleargghhh..

And so.. I've bought a new black skirt and hair clips to keep my hair nicer. And I miss my workplace.

It seems that I have nothing much to post about nowadays.. And currently,I'm helping stokin to plan something special,that I myself melted when explaining things to him.. Perkara yang tak perlu seyy.

Okie I'm bored.

+ Expecting something ______. +

2009-01-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

There's "insects" in my house.

Weird ain't it? Well,my mum is like making me to grow fatter. Yesterday,dad treat us to Sarpino's pizza and today mum treat us to MacDonald's today. Ahaha! So,I just ate fries and nuggets. I don't want to gain another kilo! Bleargghhh..

Okie.. Dad is nagging about my room in a mess. And blame that my room is the attraction of these "insects". Nyahaha! Though these "insects" always disturb me every night,I'm like used to it 'cause its my house. Ahaha!!!

Darling,I've braids!!

+ Oh irritating "insects". +

2009-01-30T16:07:00.002+08:00

Never let her wait for you..

At the beginning of the day,it was perfectly fine. I was excited to meet my girlfriends'. We talk about our school and the teachers'. We had cup noodles and some snack. And end our meeting with stupid and lame jokes.

Planned to tune my guitar but was canceled. Too calculative about the distance. Finally,I made up my mind just to forget about my fucking guitar. I'll just buy a new strings and have it fix with someone who won't be calculative enough that can pissed me off. Though I complain,I expect something that can make it up. Eventhough I did it sincerely.

I know. Once you said,lets' be different from others'. But sometime,its too much that irks me alot. Its good enough I'm not like other bitch who is pampered and demand something more that what I want. Just fuck it.

And my mood right now makes me want to write down all my emotions and thought on the white,wide wall.

+ Forbidden Romance. +

2009-01-29T20:44:00.002+08:00

Will you be mine?

I'm so excited for tomorrow! I'll be having lunch with my dearest,dearest,loveliest Alfairah!!! Yaye!!! Ahahaha! Can't wait!

So yeah. My day was filled with craps. And my teacher ask me to be a cheerleader for the Telematch next week plus asked me to join the BridgeLeader as my another CCA. My god. I've two CCA already. Ahaha! And my teacher is helping out to open a new CCA. And that is Cheerleading!! Yaye! ITE East students',I need your support. Whoever you are,I don't mind. Just need your support. Ehehehe..

+ Pizza time! +

2009-01-28T23:40:00.002+08:00

Yawn..

I'm bored. My eyes are sleepy. I miss many people. I had my laughter at school. I finally get along well with my friends' which includes the crazy-ness side of me. I'm getting bored having guys approaching at school. I need to buy polo-t and black skirt. I need money. I need a full massage. I want to try the brain massage that was recommended by Kelly. I miss Beng,for no reason. Stupid la. I met Mr Peh and I miss him. I need my bf..

My dear,come and sleep with me.. Caress me and put me to sleep. I love you..

+ What a day. +

2009-01-26T20:55:00.003+08:00

Screwed holiday.

I've yet to know what will happen tomorrow. Is it going to be fucked up again or maybe just fine? Whatever. Still,it irks me much.

3 days' 2 nights' at Pasir Ris Costa Sand Resort. It was fun at the beginning but the after effect is so fucked.

First night,went to Ehub to play pool and bowling but in the end was canceled due to a long waiting list. So went around at the arcade place and played some game. But it was fucked up before playing any games.

Second day,went swimming at 2pm till 4pm. And I met Nadia la seyy at Ehub! Ahahaha! And at night,planned to go nightwalk. Canceled again. Due to the tired-ness after playing pool and bowling. Ended up playing karem at one corner.

And my happy mood stays only for a few minutes. No regards of thank you nor goodbye was passed before going off. Yet say lain kali jangan lagau. What the fuck? Trying to spent the night with a smile,telling that this is something rather than nothing. Seldom,yet this. Tak paham? That's fine with me.

+ Eventhough I miss kitty,I bite kitty real hard to vent my anger off. +

2009-01-23T17:58:00.002+08:00

A message from your teapot.

I'm bored. I'm tired. And tomorrow,is my family chalet!!! Yaye!!!

Valentine's Day is around the corner. So does my 19th monthsary. Ehehehe.. I've planned and I'm almost done. I've put aside a few sum of money. Lalalala...

I had the weirdest dream ever. Though it's sweet and romantic,but still,what the hell? Fuck it.

Faeza,Ummairah,Khaleeda,we have yet to meet up and have lunch together! Miss you girls' badly okayy?

+ Fallen eyes. +

2009-01-22T19:47:00.002+08:00

I never did ask to be this way when I'm born.

I do realise I'm fat. But please,I am working out to kill these fats that is so stubborn to go away. If only I have millions of dollars,I would go for an operation and ask to take away my fats. Fucked.

My day was filled with stupid laughter. Thanks to Aaron,his horny jokes really gives a heart pain. But still,nothing is mmuch more fun without having my girls around. And bf tortured me. Oh anyway.. I miss that damn fucking butter cookies laa!!! Anyone,anybody get it for me atleast 1 will do and I will give you a big hug!!! Ehehehe..

Should I join with Aaron and Larry? I'll just talk through with them first then..

+ Its not the end yet. +

2009-01-20T21:00:00.002+08:00

"Don't go. Please stay."

Ahaaha! I watch that indonesia drama and it touches my heart badly that I burst to tears! Nyahahaha!!! Sad ok! The guy and the lady was in love but the guy didn't know the lady do love her. But the lady knew but thought that the guy knew about her feelings'. Eventually,the guy made up his decision to get engage with this bitch that has frame him and the lady. Yada yada.. Danis love for Suci was so strong that he cried! And Bayu has to be selfish 'cause he love Suci so much that he didn't wish to lose her. Waliow! And Cinta Fitri 2 is coming out soon at Sensasi. Can't wait to see that charming face of Teuku Wisnu!!! Weeeeeeeeeee!!!

I've fallen deep to fantasy.

I feel like crying under the rain. Miss that atmosphere. Cry everything out. The pain,the anger,everything! I miss my smoking bitches in school. They called me up and I really miss them that there's a tear rolled down my fat cheeks! Ashamed though 'cause my guy friends' actually tried to console me. I really miss them. I went to the school toilet alone,no company. Well,there's nobody when I was there. I thought of smoking off a stick then I remembered my smoking friends' in secondary school. Aww.. I miss them so much! And I miss art.. I miss drawing something nice and asked the teacher for opinion. But somehow,I felt so lonely. And there's no one to help when I'm facing a major problem. I'm dumb though. But again,I miss every love I had from my true friends'. And I've yet to meet up Mr Peh and Mdm Chew. I really want to thank them for their hardwork and standing up for me whenever I fail that particular subject. Especially Mr Peh! Since sec 3,I never pass my Science untill my N'level result. Haish..

+ I need assurance to keep my heart intact. +

2009-01-18T22:10:00.002+08:00

There's a spin in my head.

My day was filled with enjoyment,irritating-ness and also a big headache that 'cause me to vomit each time I stand and walk.

Bf bring me to cycling at a place like a forest where you can cycle around,dirt biking place it is. It was fun though. He cycled me through the cycling jungle and walk for awhile to enjoy the scary scenery. And I was watching out for any lizard passing by. Eeeeewwwwww! After which I had shisha with bf. Like duh,he own a shisha already. I don't know why after smoking shisha,it makes me dizzy and feel like vomitting. I hardly want to walk. I feeling in my head really irks me. It spins like the washing machine on dry spin. Fuck indeed.

Reach home,I just lay on my sofa and dooze off. Slept for 2-3 hours. Can't stand it. Mum asked why,and I just said I'm not well. Woke up,the spin stays. So I went to the toilet and vomitted just slimy water. Ate a few spoonful of rice and vomitted. So I evetually ate 4 pills of panadol and watch the indonesia drama. And the spin still stays.

I asked my dad where's my acoustic guitar which he has promised after I passed my N'level result. And that old man just told I need to pass my course first than I can get one. Fuck ain't it? I have yet to thank Mdm Chew and Mr Peh for their hard work in teaching and I eventually passed with good marks. From ungraded to 4/5. What an acheivement! Ok I'm proud of myself. And I just remembered. Bf did promise me something about having me to pass my Maths with a grade 5. I can't recall what he promised me. Nevermind. He owes me then.

Tomorrow school. Bleargghhh... Nevermind. They make me smile too though despite me being just the only girl. Oh well.. Another day in school.

+ I think I'm in love with bikes sia! +

2009-01-17T23:52:00.002+08:00

Lick my tears dry.

And I had a secondhand keyboard at home. I want an acoustic guitar! Bleargghhh... So today.. I went to my auntie's house to celebrate her daughter birthday and her newborn baby. And I held the baby. Aww.. I really love babies. And a guy talked to me and keep asking if I love babies and such. What a question. The best thing he said is "You can be a great mum and a great wife for me." And I go what the fuck? I walked off and sat next to my mum. Haha! Scary ok?

I watched Suci,the indonesia drama. Oh I'm loving Danis and Bayu. They are like super sweet,romantic and oh gorgeous!!! And that girl get to hug BOTH gorgeous during the show! Ehk I also want to hug them seyyy!!!! And having them to give flowers and making me feel secure.. Ahahaha! Such fantasy. I just fall for those two gorgeous man.

Is your birthday on 19th February and your's on 3rd October? Oh I really hope I'm right. Are you still using the same number? How come I see you both rarely online? Ahahaha! Thought of having an ex reunion party! Ahaha! Dumb. And I wonder.. If that particular person still waiting for me? Still expecting that second chance? And would my bf hold me back? Ahaha! Dream on! Never la sial! Not going to hope for it. 'Cause whatever happen,I'm the one have to hold back and relax. I'm going crazy.

+ Anyone arsehole has the shape of anarchy or star or a flower? I bet star have the shape star. +

2009-01-16T18:35:00.002+08:00

Cry alone.

My dad really makes me fucked up. I don't understand why? Why?! For goodness sake why you fucking arsehole father?! You complained to mum that I never did seek any permission from you when I wanted to go out and you said I didn't respect you as a father. And so I seek that honourably permission of yours that I wanted to go out with Faeza and there you said no straight in my face! What do you think I am? Your dog? Though I'm your child,I still need that freedom okie? Don't you still get it? You never did want to listen to my explanation. Yet you scold me as if I'm just your fucking doll.

This really hurts badly. Yet,I have two person I need to please. My bf,my dad. One would say rebel,one would say don't you dare. My say,just shut the fucked up and let me hear my own mind. But then,I'm grateful enough that my bf tried to make me smile. Eventhough he knew I failed to be a good gf. I'm really sorry dear for no trying to please you. I've no balls to do what was told. I'm sorry. But then dear,I'm never sorry for loving you. You are the greatest gift I ever had in my teenage life. And I swearly thanked god for rewarding me,you. You're my cure to my illness. You're my drugs to my smile. You're my tears for the love we build.

+ Dad,please? Ps: I love you. +

2009-01-16T14:10:00.002+08:00

Get off my chest.

I want to apologise to my dearest friends' Faeza,Ummairah and Khaleeda that I can't make it to go out lunch with you babes today. Thanks to my mum! Blearrgghhhh... Though I can meet Faeza anytime,I still the other two girls'. The talkative and loud and the quiet yet a laughing gas. Ahahaha!!! I really miss having them in class.

I swear my morning really given me a heart ache. I watch Mohabatein followed by Lion King 2. Then I cooked for myself maggie,tom yum flavour and smoke my anger off with another stick of mine. Now I left 1 for bf. If not,I'm screwed!

I watched this typical Indonesia drama. It's so romantic that I actually fell in love with the guy named Bayu and Danis. Sweet yet handsome! Aww.. If only they are my bf.... Ahahaha! As if laa...

I hate Mens! You know what I mean ladies'.. Shisha please!!! Nadia oi!!! Lyza oi!!! Aku tgh mengidam shisha nie!! Kate nk blanje!!! Ahahaha!!!

+ Someone paitau me. Eat that person up and make me more fat! Fuck! +

2009-01-16T09:30:00.002+08:00

I won't see you tonight.

I love that song. The only song that can calm my mind,my heart. I'm very angry and dissapointed though. Planned to go jogging. Canceled. Plan to watch movie. Canceled due to no good movie or its already out two weeks' before today. Planned to smoke shisha,change to afternoon after knowing maybe I'm going out with Faeza. What the fuck?? I'm fucking irritated. I'm so stopping to plan things. I hate after planning than its either that particular person is tired,lazy or their day,time was occupied with something else. I should have gone to school for goodness sake! What a fucking regret la sial!

So,I spent my mornings by sending Faeza off to school. I miss her badly.. Then slack alone at I don't know which void deck for 30mins. At home,watch this stupid movie and played games. And I'm dead bored la! I'm going to cancel everything today. I'm lazy already. Too bad for anyone who had plan some things with me today okie?

I left two sticks' and I can't smoke it now. Need to save incase I meet bf. So ya. No ciggies,no entertainment. No food! Fuck laa...

+ Irritated. Envy. Miss. +

2009-01-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

Calculative.

Why being so calculative when you know its a part of your job anyway? Bleargghhhh... FORGET IT! I just heard a story from Ridhwan what happen at their school,my ex school,during their PE,I guess. He told Ashraf actually said "Where's Khairiyah?". Ahahaha! Its glad to know that they still remember me and yeah I'm sad that I can't join them during school hours. Seriously,it is really,really sad. I really miss them. All of my friends' despite this one particular person that I abhor alot.

Today,school was quite fun for me. I actually showed them how crazy I can be. Well,I'm just bored and wanted to have a good laugh at anything. And so,me and Rusydi joke as if we don't care. And we even share our dirty secret. Nyahahaha! Irritating guy. Nyeh!

I'm sending Faeza off to school tomorrow!! Yaye!!! And just maybe I'm having shisha with bf!!! Yaye!!! Fun la sia! I'm so not going for a 2hours class tomorrow.. And sorry my dearest classmate I won't be there supporting you guys at the Telematch. Best of luck sweet ones plus fucker ones!

+ A bouquet with fat burner cream. +

2009-01-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

NV.

I saw him. I saw her. I saw him and her. Fuck. I don't know why. I don't feel quite right. I miss my friends' so much that I tend to vent my anger anywhere without thinking. I really miss laughing till tears roll down the bumpy ride or having a stomach cramps after having a good laugh for a few minutes. I really miss that. When I'm unhappy,I would make things that can make him angry. I miss being hyper and such. Most likely,I would call myself a monkey. Hyper and cheeky. When they are angry,unhappy or didn't get what they want,they either go berserk,jump around in anger or solitare themself with watery eyes and put on their ugly side. When they are happy,they would likely to be more lovely with anyone around him. I hate being scolded. I hate being shouted at. I swear I won't listen. I swear it will never be a lesson learnt for me. I prefer people approach me in a nicer and polite way. Then I would likely to listen and take that advise. Oh well..

Frozen in time
So lovely and sweet
Trying to convey message like the mime
I would rather sleep then tweep.

+ A bouquet of red roses at my doorstep. +

2009-01-13T22:30:00.004+08:00

I want to burn the fats!

And I received a message that says "I got shisha at home". Fuck or what?! This really makes me envy and really don't wish to talk to him! Heart pain sia. Rich or what fuck? This really pissed me off for a stupid reason ehk..

Okie. Me n Di planned to go jogging and gym together starting this Friday. But he can't make it so I'm making the moves first. I'm so excited to lose the fats in my body!!! I've planned out. Jogging,gym and cycling. I'm so doing it!!! I'm so killing the fats! I'm so seeing bf on that so called "small carpet"! Ehehehe.. Okie fuck. The shisha thingy makes me angry again. Seriously. Fuck envy. Fuck the rich! Show off! Fucking show off you moron!!!

+ He makes me wanna kill him! +

2009-01-13T21:08:00.003+08:00

Butterflies.

I'm getting lazy each and everyday to go to school. I really miss having Faeza,Khaleeda and Ummairah around in class. Its a total boredom being the only Malay girl among the Malay guys. I don't really mix around with Chinese girls'. 'Cause I find them bitchy or nerdy. But only my secondary school Chinese girls' are the best from the ones I knew. I really miss smoking in the toilets' with my girl smoker's in EV. I miss having Faeza fixing my hair and school attire. Ahaha! I really miss talking craps,bitch and compliment people with her. I really miss her..

I'm looking forward for this Sunday for shisha with Nadia,Lyza and Faeza. Hope you three can make it okeh? Do text me to confirm. Faeza,don't worry. We won't force you to try it. Eheheh..

Though I roughly get what you mean,but it still hurts.

Yesterday,I almost spent my whole day with my bf. Got his Maths O'level results. So does the whole O'level student. The one that repeated for their O'levels got 7points. And my cousin Fir got a total of 30 points. Hahaha! Rabak seyy... Its so scary. I wonder how my dear friend's who is sitting for their O'levels this year will do. Best of luck dudes and dudettes!

+ You spit your fire that burns my heart. +

2009-01-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Fuck you jerk.

Don't try me fucker. You talk,you flirt as if I'm dumb. I'm not incoherent you fucker. Its fine with me that you want to go to class with me but please,no begging or trying to please me. Have you forgotten? I've a boyfriend! This irritates me alot. Keep texting me things that doesn't bother's you. Its fine if you need my help about your relationship. Yet you repeat that you wanted to break up with her despite me telling you its going to be a waste. Who's flirting right now? No wonder your girlfriend doesn't even trust you. You deserve to be left though or either way being a philanderer. Ass! It's so wrong to exchange number with you just because of school stuff. Wrong friend! Oh yea. You don't even do your work. You expect to copy from me. Damn. I can't imagine having you as my project partner. I'll fail badly! Great one ell.

But whatever shit it is. Whatever moves you tried to win me,still you'll lose. Sugary words won' work nor gifts. Only one guy knows best of me,my dear boyfriend Nat!!! So proud having him as my boyfriend. In hopes and dreams,we will last together till ever. But just being prepared for all worst in times' to come. I love you dearest Nat!

+ Opps! I did it again! +

2009-01-11T21:04:00.002+08:00

To earn.

I'm selling my clothes soon. Those which I used once,twice. Its gaoing to be cheap though. Anybody wants to join hand with me? You can sell yours too. And make a profit out of it. :]

I just bought a Aubergine hair dye colour. Woooooo!!!! And I don't feel like going school tomorrow. Just sick and tired. But not yet made up my mind. I need to talk with bf first. If not.. The balloon will burst! Ok lame.

I miss my workplace. Farhana even asked me to come down there today. Aww... I really miss making a perfect cup of coffee for the customer and seeing them smile after drinking it. Oh I miss it.

+ Just me and you. +

2009-01-11T15:30:00.002+08:00

Money IS Evil!

I totally abhor my parents childish and selfish attitude. Mum is talking on the phone blabbering about some bitchy stories while Dad is doing his new brand laptop. What the fuck? Where's the family quality together we used to had? What's this? If you blame me that I keep going out. I went out to relive my stress. My pain,my anger. I can't even vent my anger on their stupid young ones. Yada yada.. Their most respectful,lovely boy. Fuck ah sia!!! I'm a human. I still have feelings. I do still have my dignity and most of all,I'm born with their flesh and blood. It really hurts alot.

I've quitted my job,just for you. I took up Electronics as my course even though I've no interest in it,just for you. You don't even allow me to make music as a part of my hobby. I respect you,I don't talk back,just because you're my dad. Now you blame mum that I'm pampered. I go out without asking your permission. But what's the use? You will never allow me. My dear dad,I never blamed you nor look down on you when you told stories of your regretful teenage life. But you are treating me this way? Do you even know you gave less attention on me? When I was young,you really took good care of me. When I've bruises,you go find that particular child who bullied me. Now I've grown up. My bf taught me how to defend myself. The moves and such. Though I smoke,it all started from you. You smoke too. Not just that. I was too stress that I tried smoking and it really relieves me. All bacause of you. You know why I love sticking too my bf? Because I love to be loved by a guy. My bf is like my father,my husband. He showed reality. But you showed me how's life being trapped. I look at my younger cousin's. They got the chance to went out at night 'till 2am with her friends'. You blame their father for not taking good care of them. Who is spoilt now? Me? Or them? I tried comparing me with her. I'm worst then her. She didn't smoke. She got all the freedom. I smoke. I'm insane. I've no freedom at all. Do you know how it feels? Many said maybe when I'm 18,you would be more understanding. But what happens if you're still the same? When I do my prayers,you are busy with your laptop. Doing I don't know what the hell it is. Porn,maybe. Though I understand its normal for guys. Let me make shame for you here. Let me embarass you here. I found a couple of porno CD on my little brothers' cupboard. What the fuck? You should know that when I'm getting old year by year,I would browse around my house to find my old stuff. Its a big shame ok to see that?

Financial. You gave mum 800 dollars out of 1.2K. Minus off,you had 400 dollars. Last month. You got your bonus. Mum told me. You earn 6K out of it. But now,where has the money gone too? You asked mum to pay the bills when you only give a few K's for it. Do you think its enough? When mum used the money for the house facility,bills and daily food. Issit enough? I roughly figure that you spent atleast 2.5K for all of us 5 school stuff. How about the balance? I asked you to pay me back the school skirt I bought and to alter it. Yet you asked me to get the money from mum when mum wanted to borrow my work pay. What the fuck? My pay doesn't even reach 500 dollars. And now both of them are quarelling about money. And saying I'm selfish for not giving any money to them. I'm just a part-time worker. I've quit the job that I enjoy so much just because you told me so. Now you are asking me money. When I asked you to buy for me shampoo and facial wash plus top up my card,you nagged the whole day saying you had not enough money. Complain that your pay is not enough. Than what the hell you're doing when you had sex with mum and having the 5 of us in this 4-room HDB flat? Have you ever thought of it? You're just a delivery driver that earns just enough to feed the total of 7. I've understand enough of your past and your current attitude. But please.. Change. I want to see change in this family. And mum,please.. Don't be stubborn. You never listen to my advise and you expect me to listen your advise. I'd enough of crying the whole night to hear you both quarrel. I'm the eldest. And I do feel I'm responsible to certain things. But you both never did give me the chance to let me be an adult. A mature teenage girl. Why?

+ A challenge in 2009. +

2009-01-10T10:14:00.002+08:00

No heart is ever pure.

Today will be my last day at work. Don't think I'm not sad at all. I'm happy working there. With the new friends I've made. And having to taste great coffees. I just don't understand why my dad have to do this to me. I love to work while schooling. Even though it will tires me out. I do want earn my own money. I don't think I'm still a kindergarten kid to ask should I go to the zoo or Sentosa for class outing. My mind and heart hurts,badly.

Even though you had given me lots of advise,but please,you're not my husband. I appreciate it alot that you tried to give me the best of you and tried to help me out to save my job,but nothing will ever work. You're not my father. And I'm still under my dad's responsibility. I've yet to reach 18,then I'm free. No one will understand my situation. Its not easy to be a girl. The eldest among the five. My parents expect from me alot. And again,I don't wish to here any talks about this matter anymore. It hurts. Early morning you spoke about this. You've made tears for me. Thanks alot.

Pabila ku dapat merasakan kesyukurannya
Kini ku rasa ku hilang cintanya
Apakah ini buat kebahagiaan ku
Atau hanya mencabar kesabaranku
Tiada jawapan bagi apa yang berlaku

Sorry for the malay poem. I'm just sick.

+ I'd rather walked alone.. +

2009-01-08T19:50:00.003+08:00

Just so sick at heart.

Eventhough school was fine,but to know plans that was made yesterday was canceled really irks me to the core. I was really looking forward for this Sunday. I planned out what time is the best to go. And yeah.. You're just lazy. Great.

The next thing that irks me. The skirt thingy. No one has any black skirt to lend me. Neither the school has it. Out of stock and have to wait till April. Fuck or what? Serious shit. Blue skirt really doesn't suit me. Expect EVSS uniform. Fuck to the core! Really makes me pissed off.

I just don't know why just because of a plan,I get so pissed off. Well,I was so looking forward for it. But then,fuck. It was canceled. Oh well.. Anyone wants to accompany me to gym instead on Sunday? Do give me a call by Saturday. If not,then just fucking forget it. Let me just be a bummer watching tv and eat all day long. Blearrgggghhhh...

+ Its just so sick of plans when canceled. +

2009-01-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

Eat my shits dollies!

School was much more fine then the last two days'. Me and Pakistani (Fariq) made more friends'. Thanks to my loud voice ok abang fierce? So,we got to know Ardillah (a guy with a rare name,Javanese),irritating Farouk,dummy Faiz,Rusydi matrep and Yunos the mute. Okie sorry. I just knew them and I've been giving them names. The time we got to know each other,they have shown their true colour. Darn ass!

The course I took indeed a real headache. Its not easy as what we learn during Physics and Maths. That's the only thing we're studying for the whole semester,term,year maybe. There's also Physical Education. And so.. My CCA will be the Guitar Club and Fitness. Wooohoooo! Ahahahaha!!!

Not forgetting..

Happy 1year 6months Anniversary my dear Nat! Sorry I mengigau malam tu.. Tunggu time sampai tertido okeh? Love you so much la! And.. Deal and done aytes dear? Ehehehehe...

Oh good gracious. Tomorrow class starts at 12pm. Great or what?!?!! Ahahaha! Good luck my dear friends' who is sitting for O'levels. Miss you all..

+ ITE isn't that bad afterall. +

2009-01-06T17:59:00.002+08:00

I abhor.

Why must he make decision for me? Can't I choose my decision myself? I want to work while schooling. I want to earn for my own necessities. I do want to experience how tiring it is when schooling while working. I wish to venture the adult world. Earn for a living. You even asked me to take Electronics. Eventhough I'm not really interested in this course. I wanted to take the design's courses. But you keep telling me that there's no future if I took that course. I listened to you. I even took up the courses half heartedly. But I can't be much more sad when you asked me to resign the job that I'm happy with. You're fucking selfish dad!!!!

It hurts too much. To this particular person,if you lecture about this despite consoling me,I'm sorry. I don't think I would like to listen to your words. Even you are right,but you aren't in this situation. You would never understand.

+ I've made a big mess. +

2009-01-05T18:29:00.002+08:00

oh i totally forgot. someone actually doesn't want to introduce me to his/her friends. or either way asked me to stay out in a way his/her friend won't see me. malu kepe sial?? ke ader side story aku tk tau ah? fuck ehk kau!

+ really makes me wonder alright? +

2009-01-05T18:04:00.002+08:00

Taste my blood honey.

School was fine. Its abit scary though. I was so nervous when entering the school. Many eyes were staring. But then,its fine overall. I only made 2 friends out of the tens of students in my class. But more close and comfortable with this Pakistani guy. He is good looking though and loves to talk nonsense. Nyah! Another friend was from Woodlands and he doesn't talk much. Mendak! I was the only Malay girl with 3 other Chinese girls. One looks like ah lian and the other two is like from Metta School?? Ok I'm judging people at first sight. Sigh.. Just judging. Not yet made the final judgement. Nyahahaha!

Nashrun sombong laa seyy!!!

I'm tired. For I don't know what's the 'cause of it. I want to meet my girlfriends' tomorrow before going off to school!!! And I actually bought Singapore cigarettes? Expensive la siow!

And taking the stairs to 6th storey really tires me out.

+ Let me sing you a lullaby. +

2009-01-03T11:48:00.013+08:00

2009-01-03T11:08:00.003+08:00

My apologies..

To Faeza,Khaleeda,"Yati" and Shayati. Sorry I didn't reply your tags. I'm just so tired that I hardly switch on my laptop to update and reply to your tags. Well.. Faeza and Ummairah.. I will update the pictures and if possible by today. To "Yati".. The one that died is my dad's friend son. And to Zuu and Khaleeda.. Okie. I got the wrong class! Hahaha!! Sorry. 403. Ahahaha!! I totally forgot our class. Ehehehe.. And Shayati.. I wonder who is "yati" in my tag board ehk.. Hmm...

Well.. I'm still tired after 5 days' straight went out without a total rest. From Monday,we went to Sentosa. Tuesday,went to Chinese Garden for a swim with family and cousin's. Wednesday and Thursday I'm working followed by Friday,went to school to buy uniforms and pay fees. Detailed right? Ok fuck it. I'm still tired.

I need to trim my hair before dying it blue/red. And I'm having a flu. From last 3 days'. Fever at night,cold in the morning. Its just so irritating to fall sick. Bleaarrgggghhhhhhh....

+ Just sick in the nose. +

2008-12-30T23:42:00.002+08:00

His gone.

I received a news from my mum. A tragic happened to someone I knew 3 years ago. I got to know him through my father. His dad and my dad were friends' since young. I've longed to meet this particular person,who is friendly and funny. And of course,very naughty. I wanted to have a chat with him. To ask how's he been doing and how's life for him. His a year younger than me. And I hardly remember what's his name and his school place. But I know for sure he stayed at Bedok. Fair skin,quite tall when last seen,chubby and good looking. And the sad thing is I can't remember how he look. Really sad.. His gone. His no more in this world. I can't imagine how's life goes for his family and friends'. For I remember I dearly miss an old friend of mine,also a smoking friend in school. The name shall always remember.. To both friends' who's gone now,rest in peace. I miss you both though..

+ Shocking news. +

2008-12-30T23:15:00.002+08:00

Outing at Sentosa on 29/12/2008.

That day,shall always be remembered. Thanks for all the laughter,the jokes and games we shared and played. I really am going to miss you all. And to those sitting for O'levels next year.. Do study hard and good luck to everything that you're doing. It is such a big dissapointment that we have to be seperated. Especially me among my dear girlfriends' whom I trusted most and most probably rely on during the four crazy years' together. I'm sorry that I can't make it with you all. We will meet again my dear girlfriends'. You are the best friend's I ever met. Let the name Alfairah and also Blue Ladies be remembered and yeah.. Still strong together.

To those entering Ite Simei,hope we can meet there aytes? Do say hie or shout my name when you see me around okeh? 'Cause I will call your name out or say hie or whatever to those of my friends'. And to Samir,if you have piercing or tatoo,I won't call you my friend anymore! Ahahaha! Kidding boy.. Love you all!

+ It's just too emotional. +

2008-12-29T00:57:00.002+08:00

Let me have a taste of your blood.

Few more hours to picnic with 404! Can't wait! This is like my first time having a picnic with my friends'. And yeah.. I'm looking forward to next year trip to Genting Highlands again!! This time I'm going with my family and my cousin's from my dad's side. So excited!! Hopefully,the plan worked out.

Few more days',I'll be getting my pay. And the first thing I want to do with my money is having my hair trimmed and highlight it blue or maybe purple. Then go food indulgence with Alfairah. I' so going to miss them. Not forgetting. Next week,school re-open. And I'll be stepping in that school with the school uniform on 5th January. I'm fucking nervous!

Oh someone wants to be a bartender. Any recommendation to any pubs,clubs or whatever it is? Goodluck honey for getting that job. Not hinting,wishing the best. Smiles baby.. :]

Making sure evrything's alright
I actually suck your blood
To taste your sins,your lies
Its a nightmare,a world of doom

+ Let me kill you fucker. +

2008-12-28T00:32:00.002+08:00

There's a bug in my head.

I'm having a real headache now! Okie I've planned to go to aunt's house to take the camera for Monday's outing with the 403 people. I'm so looking forward for it dudes and dudettes!

Oh yeah.. Not forgetting.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUR MUSYIRAH!! Hope you grow up into a good girl. Not like me keh little sister?

Hopefully.. Tomorrow I can drop to my workplace and meet Fir for awhile. Miss him la.. Ahahaha!! Oh yea.. Amalina won't be working with us anymore.. Sad. Now she can't disturb me anymore! Nyahahaha!!!

I really hate that two face bitch at my workplace. She speaks bad about other people but she herself doesn't realise that her big mouth really need to be stitch. No wonder Daniel hate her alot. Bleargghhhh...

Oh I'm nervous for ITE. Wish me luck friends'. And yeah.. I'm meeting my old enemy,Fareesh Khan! What the hell!!! Great one.

+ Get me a gun so I can make her silent. +