> My unseen sins

~~Thursday, April 30, 2009~~

8:09 AM

When it all falls apart.

Days has past it has been more than 3 months that I've been seperated from my girlfriends'. I swear I miss them,like alot!! After receiving the text given by Faeza,tears escape from my eye. I can't control even though I tried. I look around in my class. The guys happily laughing and distracting others while the girls kept quiet. I miss having my gf around. We would chat and joke and chat like there's no tomorrow. These days are not much fun without you girls,darlings.

Every morning is my most sickiest and most boring ever nowadays. There's nothing much I can do. Its either I sleep,cook stupid dish then throw,or just watch TV when there's nothing good to watch. This cause me to be all moody. Neither Farhad nor Fafa is online to entertainment. I wonder what happen to them. I tend to get cranky and fucked up easily. When things doesn't go my way,my mood will just automatically change.

And now,my body is aching. Its painful. And yet,no one is there to relax the strain muscle for me. Its either forget or just plain lazy. Great aye?

Fuck it ah!

+ Maybe Auntie Anne's pretzel can cheer me up. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, April 27, 2009~~

9:37 PM

What else can I be?

What my mum told me was just nice. I'm better off dead than living and being rude to her. What the fuck? I was asking her about my dad's payslip and she said receving money ehk? I just replied "Ader ah" and she just babble about me being rude and told me off to feed myself and such. Just two words and she said I'm rude? It pierce through my heart real bad and I feel like breaking all the furniture in my house. But I can't do that right? If I did,it'll ended up me paying all the shits back. I need money and that's the reason I'm being stingy. I want to buy things for my neccessities that both my parents can't afford for me. I'm not allowed to work at Starbucks. They don't give me money when I wanted to go out. It sucks to have this kind of family. How I wish my parents would be like Faeza's parents. Understanding. My family,they suck hardcore. I swear,I'd rather die than having this kind of family. They don't even notice when I'm dissapointed in them. I'm a useless daughter. And I'm just a dog to them. Giving the money that I will be receiving from school to them. Not even you,my dear,will understand the reason why I'm being this way. Cause I lied to much. I hide to much. But rarely people would notice how much I would care for the ones I love.

And I though this year will be the happiest year of my live as I'm turning 17. But it ended up this way. Thanks alot,my dear parents'.

+ I would be glad if you were to kill me. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, April 25, 2009~~

12:13 AM

If it means alot to you

I just had a great time with my darlings,ALFAIRAH!!! I swear I miss them. So yea,we went out for lunch. We had 'Rojak India' and really it makes me full. After talking and sharing some jokes and laughters,we head to Polyclinic. Eventually,Faeza got rashes at her armpit so she wanted to get some medicine to put on. Ok! Not at armpit la! At her hands and legs. Just rashes,nothing serious. After her date with the doctor siow,we went off to Tampines 1. We walk around the mall. Entering from shop to shop. And I saw a huge teddy bear!!! I swear I fall in love with that idiot stuff!!! Feel like swiping away my nets just to get bloody idiot! Ahahaha! So Khaleeda,standard went to the CD shop to check out new Korean/Japan/Taiwan movies/drama. Ehehehe.. Ummairah,standard as always. Silence struck her almost every minute. Wonder what is she thinking ehk.. Hmmm.. We shared Aunt Annie's Pretzel for a snack. Ok sorry,I'm not sure about the spelling. So yea,its delicious! I'm getting one if happens that I've cash and wanted to have a snack. After that,we head off home. Aww.. I miss them. And eventually,the timing is quite short. Must have picnic ladies!!! Only after you're second major exam ladies'..

Met my 'I've a ulat as a boyfriend' and had another second round of food. I had fried mee and my dear ulat had fried kway teow,I guess. And standard,I can't finish up my food. Too full. So,ulat ate the remainings. Thanks ulat! Settle down at a void deck with Big Gulp and ciggarettes and chat our ass off. And ulat is complaining. While I can't complain. Ulat btol! Bagi burung mkn aru tau..

Mum and Dad is fighting. Like what the fuck? Mum let her heart out at me. And dad,as always sitting by his fucking new and better laptop. Well,I just told my mum I never had that grateful thought towards dad. Which means,I'm not grateful at all to have a father like him. With his attitude and the way he thinks,its sick. And hurts badly. Right now,I'm not in the right state of mood. I need some laughter to get rid off my chest. I can't complaining. Not that I can't. It will just fell on deaf ears and not understanding ones. Just fuck. Fuck! Get it? I've yet to get my sport/running shoe. And I wanted to get a hair treatment badly. It has always been a big want eversince I was in since sec 2. My hair condition is getting worse. Dry and unkempt. Can't be help. And I actually had to use Baby Johnson shampoo due to my shampoo is empty and I'm cashless to get one bottle for myself. Ok by right,not cashless. I need to save up. Urgh! I'm hating this.

I'm having a problem. A problem of how to get rid of the troubles of my chest and money. Errgggghhhhhh!

+ No more councelling session for me. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, April 23, 2009~~

11:12 AM

Big test coming up.

Been busy with Neopets lately and I know I'm like back to Primary 6? Somewhere there. I didn't realise that Sallimi was at the same schooling as me until I bumped onto him. Happy for awhile then,its like whatever ex-boyfriend. But whatever it is,I miss my girlfriends'. I actually joined Floorball as my CCA. Weird ehk? I thought of joining soccer but got audition so,I'm not up for audition. Shy!

Di is acting weird lately. His giving me cold shoulders. Ergghh!! Farhan and Ard is still the best guy in class. Looks like Samir has forgotten his friends now. I've nothing to talk about but just what I want. I want a sport shoe,new laptop and a new dress. Ergghhh! I hate when it comes to money matter. I need a job now. Sales line please. Dad keep talking rubbish about Starbucks. Hate you to a certain extent dad!

Tomorrow I'm meeting the girls!! Yayeee!!!!! Excited! Miss them alot! Any secondhand laptop for sell? My budget 200tits. :]

SYS losers and winners.

+ Rule No. 1 - Be a true Anchovies. Not a human. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Sunday, April 19, 2009~~

7:28 PM

A disgrace to the name rock? Maybe.

Heard the song title Let it rock by Lil Wayne and this not really popular band? Dear thought that its giving rock a bad name. After hearing it times and times again. I could almost agree with him to a certain extent. Geeshh...

Currently,I'm at my dad's fleamarket. Its quite boring and its fucking heaty here. Though there's no sun,its heaty. I can smell people's sweaty and unshaved armpit. I can faint siolololo!! I'm in the need of ciggerettes right now. I'm going off to buy a pack now.

+ Lelong!! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

11:31 AM

Nothing new.

Maybe we were this happy? Or just normal? Ok sorry. No new pictures to update. If I were to own a camera,I would take pictures on every outing I've went. So yea. Fuck it. Yesterday,we went out to Orchard Road Shaw House to catch a movie title Taken. Its fcuking awesome! Its a must watch movie!! Cool..
Then we went to Pasir Ris and get ourself an engraving ring,finally! Ehehehe.. But then again,wasted. No pictures of us. Mendark. Went kiasu for awhile. Happy siol! So yea. Went back to Tampines and had our dinner at Cultural FoodCourt. And I feel fucked up 'cause I can't finish up my food. Irritatig sia! I can't finish up my food anymore sia. I believe I love food. But not finishing up is the worst part. Thanks uh tummy.
So yea,fleamarket again later but I'm not going. My mum is going to but for me this cute dress that cost 8 bucks. Yayeee!!!
Ok no new pictures. SUCK TO CORE! SUCK YOUR OWN BLOODY COCK! Ok doesn't make sense at all. :]
+ You give love a bad name! Ahahahah! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Friday, April 17, 2009~~

5:23 PM

Dust covered with dust. Truth covered with lies. Why?

Some say truth hurts. Some say lies hurt more. So which doesn't hurt ones worst? To me,its both. And to avoid these things,its better doing the right thing rather than things that will hurt one another. Things happen unexpectedly. When you trust,they betray. Why?

Many things happen,but maybe I'm too dumb that I would want things to be this way. Maybe I trusted so much that ones tend to betray. Bitten once twice shy,you say. But what's this? Though I can't accept,I keep shut. I don't want to drag. I hate fights. Fight causes one to cry,heartbroken and such. What does this leads to? Break up. Not more not less,says breaking up isnt the solution. You say,breaking is one of the solution. Somehow,I would want to think like you.

I complained. I whined. But the regrets come once a while. Patience,I've plant in my heart,my mind. To God I ask,why? Once a guy told me,choose wisely my dear. I've choosed this. What for should I go when my heart needs you? You can never understand this. You're my strength when I'm weak despite this shits told. Though facts hurt,I've to face it. But when it comes to a lie,I cry. What the hell did I do wrong here? I never did taken this as something you said,suffer. People may think and say I'm suffering. But the fact is,is just me what to choose. Not you decide. I'm happy as it is. I'm sad,when it comes to this.

For what has been told,I've listened and understood. Maybe I'm too foolish not to notice. But I believe what I've believe. Its true,its tiring to start anew. That's not just the reason why I'm here. And I believe,you know the answer. I've made a mistake,I regret. Hell I regretted. I flirt,online. I don't go out with them. Its not just the people that can be your eye,but I know my limits. I don't wish to sleep. I wish that the way I'm thinking now could stay. But I know,once I'm asleep,I would dream of living in fantasy. And all the things I've accepted,I would disagree. But one thing I know for sure,though you're unique and some say weird,I love you for they way you are. I may not accept things you've done,but I hope you know what hurts me. I don't mind hearing you babble but I mind if you betray my trust.

You're different in many way. And I've loved you the way you are. Like you said,little things make a big impact. And you've made me notice it. I'm sorry for all the words I said to you that hurts.

+ Love? Its a wonderful thing and also the hurtful thing. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Wednesday, April 15, 2009~~

11:31 PM

Back to the death bed.

I'm back online once again! Its a big hurray!!! I miss going onine at night. A week holiday left and no internet kills me at night. I spend most of my nights wondering,thinking,dreaming and prank calling unknown numbers. I miss chatting online and read people's blog. Now,school has started and I can't sleep late nights anymore. Its either I'll be sleepy during lessons or getting screwed by him. So yea,fuck ah!!! Wasted a week without internet. But atleast I've been practising with my guitar and has abit of improvement.

Cry less,lie more. School is a little fucked up. But overall,its fine,perfectly fine. Still,I miss my girlfriends'. Since they are busy with O'levels,I don't wish to disturb them and asking for an outing. That would be unfair.

Dear! Satuday,where should we eat?? Ishk!

+My lovely yet smelly cat is just too curios that irks me much. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, April 13, 2009~~

8:03 AM

Fear and faith.

DEAR! Thanks for updating my blog. *big smile for you!!*

Its been almost a week I've not been updating my blog and other websites. You know it kills. When I'm bored,there's nothing I can do anymore. Its either I strum my guitar or just read a book. I've lots to say about my fucking week but then I don't think I can right now. I'm using his laptop.

School ha started with a new semester. Soon I'm off to the darn school. I wonder how will my friends there be. 3 weeks of holiday and nothing much happen. I just miss my girlfriends.

To Ummairah,hope you get well soon. And you didn't reply o my messages! I want to visit you ok? Call me up once you're discharge. Miss you babe.

Do you miss me? AHAHAHAH! Fuck la.

My dear,you don't have to update my blog anymore ok? Pry into my life? I don't think I care much if you were to pry into my life. But hell knows better.

+ Swimming in a pool of Sins. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

1:56 AM

bleargh!

this is like my 3rd attemp to blog on ur blog. i kept on pressing the wrong button n thus deleting a very long post of mine regarding kites. well, i wanna try again but i wanna make it nice n simple. kk here it goes uhh

U! i got a cute kite here with me at home. i wanna fly it with u soon at the beach or any open spaces. but i hate the noon sun. its too hot n stuffy n humid n im hungry n bla bla bla.. u noe the list rite? well, y dont u continue my hate list. but i really wanna fly it with u itw fun sey. im not dat great with kites but hey we can learn rite? i wanna see it fly high!! its fun! n cute n sweet n fun n hot n humid n stuffy n im hungry again.. well dear get me a sunblock n food if u must so dat i dont get cranky n such

my 18th goin on 19th dream is almost here! i've done my atm n such. im soon to get on to my bike license! n im sure dat when i pass it my sis will award me with a cute bike. i dont care wat uh aslong as it moves n doesnt have a fucking loud sound will make me orgasm without even touching my dick. well, its almost there, i can feel it n see it. nyahaha

guy first love is on wheels not heels. but still i wanna share it with u. i wanna go round n round with u even if its at the carpark of ur house or even mine. i dont care nor do i give a fuck. DEAR! wish me luck ayes on my bike thingy?

i've updated ur blog already.. happy? nyahaha till here then. im lazy to type more
with hidden love, nat

.I Wrote This Shit.

1:39 AM

I read your mistakes

i have my reasons for not updatin this blog of urs. its not dat i dont frigin care bout u n ur nonsensity towards me or perhaps even ur views on life itself. i just hate to pry on ur life. its the curiosity dat fucking kills. i read ur stated mistakes past n present. i just hate it when i get curious.

trust me when i say dat i can lead life to the day it was back then. but for what? even if i can fucking pause the time, i can never make it go back to the day it was. never.

.I Wrote This Shit.