> My unseen sins

~~Sunday, January 11, 2009~~

3:30 PM

Money IS Evil!

I totally abhor my parents childish and selfish attitude. Mum is talking on the phone blabbering about some bitchy stories while Dad is doing his new brand laptop. What the fuck? Where's the family quality together we used to had? What's this? If you blame me that I keep going out. I went out to relive my stress. My pain,my anger. I can't even vent my anger on their stupid young ones. Yada yada.. Their most respectful,lovely boy. Fuck ah sia!!! I'm a human. I still have feelings. I do still have my dignity and most of all,I'm born with their flesh and blood. It really hurts alot.

I've quitted my job,just for you. I took up Electronics as my course even though I've no interest in it,just for you. You don't even allow me to make music as a part of my hobby. I respect you,I don't talk back,just because you're my dad. Now you blame mum that I'm pampered. I go out without asking your permission. But what's the use? You will never allow me. My dear dad,I never blamed you nor look down on you when you told stories of your regretful teenage life. But you are treating me this way? Do you even know you gave less attention on me? When I was young,you really took good care of me. When I've bruises,you go find that particular child who bullied me. Now I've grown up. My bf taught me how to defend myself. The moves and such. Though I smoke,it all started from you. You smoke too. Not just that. I was too stress that I tried smoking and it really relieves me. All bacause of you. You know why I love sticking too my bf? Because I love to be loved by a guy. My bf is like my father,my husband. He showed reality. But you showed me how's life being trapped. I look at my younger cousin's. They got the chance to went out at night 'till 2am with her friends'. You blame their father for not taking good care of them. Who is spoilt now? Me? Or them? I tried comparing me with her. I'm worst then her. She didn't smoke. She got all the freedom. I smoke. I'm insane. I've no freedom at all. Do you know how it feels? Many said maybe when I'm 18,you would be more understanding. But what happens if you're still the same? When I do my prayers,you are busy with your laptop. Doing I don't know what the hell it is. Porn,maybe. Though I understand its normal for guys. Let me make shame for you here. Let me embarass you here. I found a couple of porno CD on my little brothers' cupboard. What the fuck? You should know that when I'm getting old year by year,I would browse around my house to find my old stuff. Its a big shame ok to see that?

Financial. You gave mum 800 dollars out of 1.2K. Minus off,you had 400 dollars. Last month. You got your bonus. Mum told me. You earn 6K out of it. But now,where has the money gone too? You asked mum to pay the bills when you only give a few K's for it. Do you think its enough? When mum used the money for the house facility,bills and daily food. Issit enough? I roughly figure that you spent atleast 2.5K for all of us 5 school stuff. How about the balance? I asked you to pay me back the school skirt I bought and to alter it. Yet you asked me to get the money from mum when mum wanted to borrow my work pay. What the fuck? My pay doesn't even reach 500 dollars. And now both of them are quarelling about money. And saying I'm selfish for not giving any money to them. I'm just a part-time worker. I've quit the job that I enjoy so much just because you told me so. Now you are asking me money. When I asked you to buy for me shampoo and facial wash plus top up my card,you nagged the whole day saying you had not enough money. Complain that your pay is not enough. Than what the hell you're doing when you had sex with mum and having the 5 of us in this 4-room HDB flat? Have you ever thought of it? You're just a delivery driver that earns just enough to feed the total of 7. I've understand enough of your past and your current attitude. But please.. Change. I want to see change in this family. And mum,please.. Don't be stubborn. You never listen to my advise and you expect me to listen your advise. I'd enough of crying the whole night to hear you both quarrel. I'm the eldest. And I do feel I'm responsible to certain things. But you both never did give me the chance to let me be an adult. A mature teenage girl. Why?

+ A challenge in 2009. +

.I Wrote This Shit.