> My unseen sins

~~Tuesday, October 28, 2008~~

11:39 PM

im tired. im sick. and yet,i still love my ecstasy. im just a little girl to dear ecstasy.

senseless emotion. im falling ill.

.I Wrote This Shit.

10:31 PM

Back to the love for voodoo dolls.

Saw a cute voodoo doll. Oh I fel like buying it. But too bad,I left 10bucks for tomorrw meet up with Nash. I want frappes!!

I hate it when they have no confident for to get the job I'm interested in. They keep saying I'm stupid to look for jobs whereas I can work with my dad. Yet they don't understand me. Its bored working there. I can't have smoking break,nor having to make new friends. And working with dad? Sucks big time!! I had enough living in his grip. At home see his face,and what? At work also see his face again?? Awww... Dear friends,pray for me that the Delifrance manager would call me latest by Friday. I'm looking forward for that job seyy..

So ya.. A big thank you to Ummairah and Khaleeda for accompany-ing me to Changi Airport to look for jobs. Which after that headed to Pasir Ris to get Mai's wallet and I had my piercing. And somehow,I miss my ecstasy. And I miss my guy friends at school. I miss them badly..

Aww.. I don't feel great at all. I want to work shift so I can have time to meet my friends,my boyfriend,have time for my dance crew,my modelling stuff. I don't want to work from 8am to 5pm straight when I can't go out at night for awhile to spent a few hours with my dearest. This is stressing my out.

And its true
We live to die
Oh if I could only wish
I die to live

The challenges I face
So fucked in a way
The places I trace
Lead to only one way.

+ Mother fucker + Father fucker = Family fuckers! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

12:07 AM

And I just feel I'm better off dead.

After all the life I have gone through.. I have sacrificing my wants and needs just to make the other party happy.. And so I thought for change,the happiness for my own wants and needs. But in the end,everything went so wrong.

Despite the things that I'm aiming for,I can't get it. I guess I was born to make satisfy others,make them happy and close an eye for my own wants,needs. Eventhough a few may say I'm too young to venture this kind of life. But this is my story line. Its not that I'm unhappy. But my smile,is meant for their happiness.

The one I call my ecstasy,many thanks for waking me up. I'm not meant to be fucking pampered. I was born to make others smile. And my smile,only god knows what I'm goin through. I take all the blame. I take all the pain. Don't worry. No one will get the blame. I swallow for you. And yea.. No one knows how deeply I love him. Despite being dumb,I still want to save this relationship. Despite all the tears,I believe,I can have my happiness when I've done making them happy. Happy happy happy..

My heart stays
My brain ventures
My heart says
Let's not ask

+ God,I'm sorry.. Its unfair. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, October 27, 2008~~

6:51 PM

Random piece of shits.

Nice to know you Wee Kiong!!! And so,I thought it was Wee Kim Siong. Got the wrong person but in the end we made friends. So yea.. Another new lovely friend.

Anyone know how to get to Macpherson Road? I'm afraid I'll get lost with Mai. Mai,sorry if I get you lost tau..

I miss school. I miss my dear friends. I miss my dear nemesis. I miss everyone!! Especially I miss my sweet darling Ashaidil and Firdaus!!! Argghhhh!!! Where have you gone too darlingsss?? I miss you larh!!

And I miss my teachers.. Especially Mr Peh. Where I get to irritate him about Chemistry and during PE. Yeah.. I miss it so much.. But I don't miss Mr Ee boring speech. Bleargghhh...

Its dead bored. I've been sticking with my dear love. His my entertainment. But I need my friends to. Can't wait to meet Mai tomorrow and Nash on Wednesday!!!

+ Nat,you're my ecstasy. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

1:01 AM

After a silent peaceful night.

Im bored now. Lucky british boy wonder is online to entertain me for tonight. Miss chatting craps with him though. And yea.. Marvin's online too!! Wuuuhooooooo!!! Darlingku yang sungguh kacak!! Heheheh...

Poor Marvin.. Heartbroken again. Told you I can take good care of you! Ahahaha! And you didn't listen.. Lalalalala.. So yea.. He thought of dying.. Saying girls never fail to break his heart. What a pity. I wish I could be there for you dearest friend... Don't do suicide ok? I want you to be my full-time hottie! So I can smile whenever I see your cute,charming face! Ahahaha!!!

And so,my Tuesday and Wenesday is full with some plans. And I can't wait to meet my girlfriends,Ummairah and Nash!!! Hope Khaleeda can tag along. And I hope Faeza will have a safe journey there and back hope. Going to miss you babe! Love you la!!

Honey,I'm tired.

I'm sick to know. I'm sick to bother. The only thing to save this string is to accept whatever pain. Dumb in a way. But love made its way. My mirror showed me who I am. I can't beat those girls. I was born this way. I had no other choice. I can't go for operation. I can't change my mindset to some shits I can't agree foremost. Oh I;m lost in many ways. Love make me this way. Blablablabla... Fucking emotional!!! Die la Khai!!

+ Hie. I'm Siti Nurbored! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, October 25, 2008~~

8:06 PM

Brain sick. No mood. Thanks yaw!!

And yesterday was Avenged Sevenfold concert! Fucking pissed 'cause I didn't earn enough to get the tickets. Darn itt!!

So,yea.. Have yet to get a job. Yesterday,watch Max Payne with my dearest love. Which after 7.15,went out again with mum and I get to buy a dress! Wooohooooo!!! I want to buy two piece but then I want money more. I want to buy ciggies and that's about it!

I got to earn for my handphone. In urgent needs.

Tired and I give up.
If this is the only way can save this string,I shut up.
If being jealous also can affect,then I'm sorry.
I'm better off dead and not be by your side.

+ You showed. I've seen. I'm sick. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, October 23, 2008~~

7:44 PM

In a reply to my darling friend post.

Firstly,I agree to you that boyfriend isn't important as they come and go. And true friends come and don't go. I have a few girl friends and I had enough by having a girl as true best friend. Its just that,when she have a new best friend,they tend to forget me and all the secrets that she use to share goes to the new party. I'm not jealous or somewhat fuck reason. I'm just dissapointed and felt that I was betrayed. As to what I think,I don't assume,when they have the new best friend,they will spill the secrets that was told by the first party. With,without intention,I don't know but then again,I don't assume thoroughly.

They say,best friend share almost everything. But my best friend rarely share it with me. This is one reason why I don't really like to mix with girls. They sometimes love to either backstab,betray or commonly forget their own friend. I couldn't say boys don't do the same. But what I know and what I see,they still to each other even they have new friends. They can never forget to call each other up and slack together at the void decks,smoking and talking craps. And somehow,I like those kind of friends. Which now,I knew where my friends stand in my eye of category.

Want to know where you stand? Ask and I'll answer. Hehehehe...

And about boyfriend thingy,I swearly agree that they come and go. But sometimes,you have to treasure them too. You may never know they are your love life. Mainly,we have to balance the love for both. So,they won't get affected and the relationship won't get affected too.

And for me.. I met up with my boyfriend oftenly 'cause I receive no calls from any of my dearest friend to hang out. Yeah.. Slack with boyfriend,then with his friend,my friend too. Like Hady bahan,Star tabla and Beng sticko and other crappy people. Oh oh! Hady! Thanks for the website. Aku tak paham satu bende pun!!! No fingerings shown seyy!! Dumdum!!

+ Tralalalalalla.. I love you all anyway! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Wednesday, October 22, 2008~~

8:58 AM

There's No Love Without Pain??

And I wonder. What happen if your love life is full of misery and hardship and yet people keep saying there's no love without pain? So,where's the happiness then? Would you then keep assuming that there is no love without pain and you stay,despite the misery that you are going through right now?? Even you're not happy? You let off the person that makes you happy at all times and try to fix things right with the person whom you thought can make you happy. Indeed I agree to this saying,life is complicated. And so does love.

My uncle once told me. Life isn't that hard. We humans make it so difficult to make things right. To me,we just have to choose and take risk. Patients towards all challenges and you will find yourself on your right track.

Some say that a person can't live without love. I can't say for sure.

A bag of potato chips in my hand. A movie named Mohabatein. Let me do more thinking..

+ Do you really ____ me? +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, October 21, 2008~~

11:08 PM

Escaping the Horizon.

The word fucked up fix perfectly for my mood now. My handphone died,not even saying goodbye. I took good care of him,I kiss,I throw,I let it slip from my hand and the table,I let my tears flow in my handphone,and yet my handphone left without a word. He don't appreciate my care and love for him.. Boohooo!

I need a job! I don't want to work at my dad's workplace! Its bored and fucking bored!!!

Many hidden things
Have yet to hap
Many hidden secrets
Have yet to divulge

Prepossessing smile
The alluring kiss

+ The one I call,true love. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

12:56 AM

The Star Fruit's Instrument,tabla.

Random title as always. I want to post a picture of the 403 raya outing but then somthing went wrong. Next time I guess. The raya outing with the 403 mates was great. The girls' whining about their feets having blister and cramps. And the guys,leaving us behind and then complained we walked so slow. Kanina ass! Its not easy to walk with heels ok boys? Hope there will be a next year raya outing together,dear classmate.

And about the class pit,I can't figure out yet when. The problem is the cash. Patients aytes friends'?

Okie. I went all around Tampines Mall and Century Square to find a job. The damn thing is that there's a black and white paper notice looking for a part-time/full-time assistant. And when I enter to ask for a vacancy,they "Sorry,it's full here". Oh its sickening!!!

I'm looking forward at Changi Airport. And if I don't get any job,I'm stepping in at Pilot Pen Company,packing pens and facing my dad again! Bleargghhhh....

Wishing Hady and Nat and those who is re-taking/taking their Oreo,ok I mean O'levels the very best! Good luck dudes and dudettes! Eat Oreo and confirm shit you pass! The O's. Ok tak perlu.

I got a guitar!!! I got 2 new dress! I got 5 new tops! Thanks aunty! Your the best and the wildest aunty!

+ Honey,I love you! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Friday, October 17, 2008~~

11:22 PM

The new phase huh?

I'm sick with the doleful feeling. I can't stop these water that is running from the tap. My red organ can't control the emotion. My pink meat is going insane. Kitty,sat by me. No more rings after 12am. No company at night.

Movies shall be my midnight thing. Screen shall laugh me,fight with me.

Will things be ok tomorrow?

Leave me sick. I'm nothing now. I'm useless. I can't help in any way. I'm just afraid of your dad.

Its proven. I'm nothing. Sweet nothing.

+ And you didn't reply my messages... Thanks,____. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, October 13, 2008~~

10:41 PM

The pain I gain. Yet,victory is mine!

Estimating the days he let go of me,1 month 3 days'. Its a miracle,I must say. I don't really hope for his comeback. Oh well.. It seems that many have known about me and Nat getting back together. It surprise me to know that,I actually won his heart. I never did knew I won back then.

And yeah.. For that one month impluse,I have hurt many guys. Rejection and all. I can't help it back then. Nat keeps lingering in my mind. Even though I tried to forget him,the love for him stained,as told before. Friends' making me smile and laugh. But this superman,stop me from hoping so much for his comeback and all. And I did stop hoping. But I just missed Nat. His a special guy,I must say. And I spent quite a few times with this superman of mine to calm myself down. His my coach for certain subject too. -klau kau bace,takya bangga ehk kambing!

I treat my superman as my best friend. And my dear Nat,don't worry. I won't fall for him. You stained my heart,my damn boyfriend.

That's all about me and Nat and my one month impulse?.

+ I love you,Taufik/Nat. +

Raya outing for 403 on 15/10.

Dudes and dudettes. I have call a few of you. I have yet to think of the first house,the meet point. The time,I shall fix it at 11am. That's the best time anyway. I can't get through Faeeze,Fauzie and Faiz. Three 'F'. Okie. If any of you three is reading this,can you like text me or something? I wish to go raya outing with you all. May be the last together. You may never know,and I have no idea what happens after N'level results.

I will text you,those who received my call earlier,tomorrow evening. I shall confirm with you again about the time. The meet point,I need to make calls again tomorrow noon. Any problems,text me or just call me. And for Samir,you're missing out. -i'm goin to miss you,idiot!

+ Can't wait for the outing! +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, October 11, 2008~~

2:40 PM

Es Amour.

Many asked. Who is my star? Well.. Its for me to know,for you to find out. And there,the raya picture with the HBT and many few others.

And so.. During my birthday,I went out with my dearest star. We had lunch together. And yea,I irritate him by asking him to follow me around the Tampines Mall to find some stuff. In the end,I bought nothing and his face became cranky. Luckyily,it was my birthday and he can't scold me!! Hehehe.. After that,we went to Macdonald's and grab a yummy Frappucino,double chocolate. Oh chocolate delights!! Thanks for the roundings and yummy chocolates during my birthday,dear love!

After being with him for a few hours,I went off to meet my mum at Macdonald's again. And I requested that I want to buy a top at L.P Zone. So,we went off to L.p Zone and I get to buy 1 tee top. And a surprise,my three little dogs,bought me two glittery nail polish,a handphone pouch and a pair of earrings. Sweet ain't it? But then,they requested a Ben Ten watch and the girl requested dolls. Oh no! I need a job!

And yes. I do really need a job. Before I became a babysitter and have to take care of the chores at home. Any recommendation or something? I on for any kind of job except waitress or got to do with pub/clubs. My dad is so not going to allow me to work at that kind of places.

Oh.. Wednesday raya outing. Who is organizing the outing? If no one,can you please hand me a list of names who is tagging along? So maybe I can fix the time and which house next and such. Thanks friends!

+ Have you figure out who is my star? +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, October 9, 2008~~

12:15 AM

08-10-2008

Had raya outing with the HBT and afew more friends. I was fun and I really enjoy going out with them. Oh well,of course. My lovely star is there with me! Sayang you larh bushuk!

I got to know a guy name Majid and I swear he is full of nonsense. His craps makes me laugh! Astuty and Azura is sweet. We chatted,and gossip a little. For BUAH,,had enough chicken already? Ehehehe... It was akward at first,but get along well. Hadi,your cat is so the pemalu sia. You're showing me that you are a bad owner. Don't know how to tame the cat! Gahahaha! There a few more girls,which then I don't really talk to them. Don't know what to talk about with them,I must say.

My love,I want our picture. And and.. Sorry I made you fucking jealous...

+ Great outing +

09-10-2008

Its 12:22 am. I'm feeling doleful. 2 of my friends can't make it for the outing. My darling Faeza,let's just forget it ok? I' don't wish to celebrate anymore. I shall go out with my love and get myself a new watch. And get ourself food. Maybe,food indulgence.

Thanks to the friends who wish me for my birthday. Hope my day will go without fights.

+ Thanks for the tears. +

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, October 7, 2008~~

11:53 PM

Picture Perfect.
I have nothing much to say. They say a picture holds a thousand words. And so.. Nothing much to share. Tomorrow will be raya outing with the HBT. Hope to see you guys tomorrow.. *smiles*

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, October 4, 2008~~

4:38 PM

Found my star. Oh motherfucker!

Rumours of the past has been pass down to my sister. Oh stupid mouth! I swear your generation will regret,motherfucker bitches,asshole!!! You're still a freshman in this school and you don't know what has happen and what is the truth. So you better keep shut to yourself and if my sister knows about it futher more,I swear you will regret!

Okie. I want to go Peninsula to buy jeans and buy some black accessories at this certain outlets. Who want to accompany me?!!! How about you,my star? Ahahaha! Text me aytes?

There will be no school from tomorrow! Untill I get my results!!! I will be spending my time with my friends and my star this October month. But after that,I'm off to work. I'm dye-ing my hair brown and bloody red! Wooohooooo!!! And I want to fix my fringe. Its not straight and doesn't look good. Miss my long fringe though.

I'm looking forward to 9th October! Shall enjoy for that particular day!

+ A step back and walk towards the horizon,again +
Labels: after a hectic month..

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, October 2, 2008~~

8:34 PM

And I'm being dumb. The dumb Khai is back.

I'm sick. Vomitted more than 3 times. Sneezed countless of times. I'm freezing,even without any wind blowing at my dry skin. I'm wearing the Muse sweater. I'm hugging kitty. But I'm lacking of this warmness. The touch of this someone. That always keep me warm in his arm. I really miss that touch. I'm missing so much. Miss sick. I'm sick. Sick of this feeling.

I tried. I don't show. What beneath my laughter,nobody knows. What beneath this sleepy eyes,nobody cares. My birthday is in few days' time. My hopes and dreams have yet to come true. But I know,it will never come true. Its gone. Leaving this space with just plain happiness.

I never thought I could be this way. I'm being dumb. Dumb as ever. I'm bored. I'm tired. Call me dumb. Call me stupid. I'm Khai.

+ I tried to look normal. I miss you. +

.I Wrote This Shit.