Its true that he say,things are better off unsaid. I'm keeping the thoughts to myself. I share to only this certain person I trust. The real guy,a man I must say. But not yet a total mature man. Still childish and yea I like his craps. Kambinggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow... A day of celebration after the fasting month. A gift from God,they say. This year,shall be a boring Hari Raya. But its okie. This October is full with outings anyway. Some entertainment for me. I'm not going to Avenged Sevenfold concert as I'm empty pocket. No money at all. Shall be going for Atreyu concert on 7/8 November. I'm going to miss Avenged Sevenfold once again!
Dad,where's my guitar? Love,where's my star?
I'm sick and that is it. Fever feat stress. Best mixture of the month. Ugly September. Nightmare ever. Oh oh.. Happy 1 month?? Happy? Blearghhh....
+ Ignorance or ... ?? +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Monday, September 29, 2008
2:22 AM
A new name? Oh more sacrifices.
3 sleepless night. I only had 2 hrs of sleep yesterday. Today? I don't think so. I have yet to finish up my Art preparatory. And now,revising Physics and Chemistry. I need someone to be beside me and guide me all night,helping me out with doubts. Assurance,that's the word.
Okie. Now,I mess Science up. Thought of giving up. But nope. I'm so not giving up. Even if I don't understand,I shall just read and mesmerize. That's it! Mesmerize! And yea.. Focusing more towards Maths and Art!!!
What's next? Shall be a present from God then. Whatever it is,I shall give my best to this N'level and yea.. Not giving up!!! Wooohoooo!!!
In hopes that he would be my partner. In favour I'll be you Leigamaya??? Okie whatever it is then.
Few days to Raya. And few more days to end of N'level!
+ Kiss me luck! +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
1:15 AM
And I need a guy as my partner model.
Okie. Basically,I need a guy,anyone,to be my guy partner for a 3-day photo shot. No pay. Just random shots. Text me? Or leave you email address at my tagboard and I shall contact you?
And Jay is totally hot! I'm still not satisfied with the picture I took with him. I want more pictures to be taken with him!!! How about he being me partner model? I ask him later! Ahahaha! Crazy as ever.
I'm having a fever right now. Thanks to my dearest girlfriend,Khaleeda! I got your virus my dear! My throat is dry,my nose is vary itchy and I keep sneezing. Sleepy eyes and my body muscle is aching almost everywhere. I miss a massage and nw,I really need a massage! Errgghhh... This is giving me a headache. I need to do more revisions. My art,yet to complete the dumb preparatory work. I need to earn atleast a 100 dollars for the Avenged Sevenfold concert! I really have to go! I'm not going to miss it again! Not this time! Then,the modelling thing. The dancing thing. Oh I'm having a crucial month this year. Sweet sixteen in the October month..
I want a guitar and that's my wishlist....
+ 100 bucks please? +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Friday, September 26, 2008
6:34 PM
Another Goodbye??
We have graduated!!! Is it a hooray?? I'm hating this. Its another goodbye!! Damn itt!! First,goodbye to the old love life. Second,goodbye to the old Khai. And now,goodbye school and friends?? All the loved friends? Haishh... Anyway.. To all my dearest friend of 402 and 403,don't forget me okie? This little bitch that is naive and dumb dumb. And and.. The outings on 9 October! I will sms you all,or call. =)
And so.. Me and my friends' went around school and took alot of pictures. And eventually,I took a picture with my hottie guy,JAY!!! Ahahahahah! I'm so crazy over him. Freaking hot babe! And I swear having only to take one shot isn't enough. I want more pictures with him!!! Nevermind,I can meet him again. *winks*
To Mai and Eza,sent me the pictures at my hotmail alright? I will be online 'till 3am?? Ahahahah! Normal stuff. And I really want the pictures with Jay,dear Mai!
Sorry my dear Ashaidil.. Don't angry-angry ok? Nanti aku letak more time for us to lepak. Do ask Firdaus to join too. Miss him. =)
+ "Still hurts??" +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
11:13 PM
Random Act.
Studied Physics,Maths,and I'm left with Chemistry and ART!!! I need to do some printings and yea my printer has no ink. The hell!
Boys are coward. I agree. But girls,they are sentimentel. Ahahahah! Girls fall in love easily and have high dreams and in the end,cry after a break up session. Oh well.. Was born this way..
Anyway,to this pain in the ass guy,thanks for your tutoring and thanks for the bruises!! Damn it you bastard! Ahahahaha! And and.. Sorry for the small wound I made at your hand.. Fingernail aku power ah! You stupid ultraman eye!! Ahahahaha! Kidding! Don't cry ehk? I give you another smacking. Don't worry. Promise!
Few more days to the last few papers of N'levels. Next,the celebration of Hari Raya. And the best,my sweet sixteen! Wooooohooooooooo!
I so going to enjoy my leftover days..
+ Nur____. Fill in the blanks damn itt! Ultraman eye!!! +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
11:09 PM
And there goes my last goodbye..
I had fun today during the class night! Thanks to the idiotis guys! Ahahahah!!! And many thanks to Yoga for freshing up my mind to Maths. I totally forgot the formulaes! And so.. Not forgetting about yesterday. Thanks to my new tutor for Physic! Glad you can help! If not,goodbye Science! Ahahahaha!!!
Tomorrow,I won't be attending school as I'm tired and yeah,I've lacking of sleep. Been doing revision. And I'm offtrack for Art!!! Dead meat! -hope the class photo wouldn't be that ugly.
Please be free on 09 October,my dear friends. I want to enjoy my day with you all!
And to this friend of mine. I may be a free lady but I'm not yours. Don't take this advantage by sitting so close to me and ya,hug me?? As friend,I don't mine. You don't have to say I'm your gf to others. As the matter of fact,I'm not your gf dumbass! Sorry if you took this too heart. But then,your making me akward. We're friends,classmate and that's it.
And I feel like going to the Pasir Ris Park for a breather. Anyone??
+ The star is mine. +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
9:08 PM
Adrian L.. You're freaking hot!!!
Shut the fuck up!! The cheek of you to call! Damn you jerk!! Hell you go bloody dumbfuck!!! I just don't understand why do I have to cry for you again?!?!? Its true. You don't deserve my tears. But hell I can't stop this fucking tears!
I'm going crazy for no reason. Its shattering again. The memories,give me nightmares. I'm just being plain dumb!! Fucking dumb!! If I can be patience to your fucking attitude before,why can't I be extra more patience towards this pain of mine?? I'm crazy. Foolish as ever! I hate you for making me cry for you! I swear I want to kill you! But..
My dear friend,thanks for your pieces of your good shits. Babe,you're totally true. Pray for my patience towards this obstacle that I'm going through. I just can handle it. I'm tripping everytime I remember the sweet memories. I truly hate thus love. I just can't think straight. I can't make up my mind. I'm a lost girl in this world.
And they say. Let go of the person you love. If he/she comeback,they are your true love. But too bad. His not coming back. Never will..
Now,headaches kill. I'm off track with my art prep. Oh shit.. Anyone going for night class tomorrow?? I'm going. Text me to meet up. And ya.. Aku nak rokok!!!
+ Smoking makes me smile. And hot guys too.. +
.I Wrote This Shit.
1:36 AM
The Star.
And I had fun last night! Hehehe.. I was allowed to break fast with my friends' at Kampong Chai Chee yesterday! Thanks to my "sayang",Samir,who actually has the guts to call my dad for permission. I salute you for that,great friend!
And so.. Yesterday was fabulous! After we break fast,we went to Geylang. We went ahead before the guys as they went for their prayers first. On our way to Geylang,we toook pictures. Along the way,we were camwhoring. We don't give a damn to people who look at us.
There,after we enter the Geylang bazaar,it was very heaty. I was dripping sweat. I can't handle the heat that I almost want to shout the hell out. But then,my friends' was like going crazy around that eventually,I too forgot about the stuffy situation.
We headed to TKC after a few rounds in the bazaar and took pictures along the way. Oh yea.. Saw Aliff Aziz 2 times. He was quite cute and good looking. But doesn't fonder the heart. Only Khaleeda's. After having the time freeze in a picture,the time shows that I have to get home. I was late for a few minutes as promise with my dad to be home by 10pm. But when I reach home,he wasn't at home and there's only mum and the other 4 dogs making noises. Mum was babbling nonsense but I just can't be bother much. I had a great time and that's about it!
Oh ya.. To Atikah,sorry babe. We were rushing home and just receive a call saying you want to go home with us only when we reached the MRT. Tried calling you but can't retrieve for some reasons that I don't know. As long as your safe,babe!
Camera woman! I want the pictures.. Send me through my email when its done. Thanks.
+ Savouring the time with my lovely friends'... +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
12:36 AM
Goodbye Apathy.
I'm done with Din. And I'm not done with Nat. It stained so badly. They are moving on. But I'm still stuck. Stucked. Hell I'm going crazy!
Khai's dead. She left the pain for me the get the feeling and understand. She had enough of it. Its a regret,as she's still young and now,dead. I'm making no sense. I'm just fucked up.
What Beng said is true. Pointless to hurt someone. Unless you find it fun. But its a no,even though Ell is evil within. Beng's advice are the best shit ever that I could listen. I meant it. His the best afterall. Even we aren't close.
Now,I'm leading a life with plain selfishness and the pain that stained. The thought of living happily with someone I love,has yet to be unveiled. I'm just a plain girl,living in the grip of her dad's And friends' that make me smile
What's hidden under this smile of mine,lies the truth
+ I miss you.. ___/______ +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Monday, September 15, 2008
11:14 PM
Guilty Pleasure.
A girl,who has been hurt,a pain that stained. A girl,who can't accept the fact,that the one she love has gone. A girl.. Whose now,lost in this world that's full of obstacle. She tripped,and restlessly lay on the ground. She don't wish to stand up. She don't wish to wake up. She hope that everything is just a dream. She lived with sins after sins. With a guy she deemed fit. She loved him. She sacrifice all her wants,her family and her dignity. She was a weak,hopeless girl. But she has a wonderful dreams that she has been chasing for all the while. She is loved,and care by the people around. And she was hated,a bitch to a misjudged eye.
She became calm,brave and strong since the July 7th,2007. She's foolishly in love with someone that won't last till ever. She was taught and she learned. She was tame like a kitten. She endure the words that hurts but she never thought she had fallen for a wrong guy. She shed tears for the guy. Tears of joy,tears of pain. Trust was priorities and thus honesty. It seems that he had litted the candles that showed her what life is about. It was heaven. But the candles was blew by him too...
It all turns black after August 31th,2008. It crumbles down badly that makes her feel that she's dying. A heavy rock has fallen onto her head that makes her hard to move on. Now,she's left with a huge decision to make.
N'level is what I'm facing right now. And I'm facing a big shame for doing a big mistake. I'm running away from the troubles I made. Major mistake. I'm a coward now. A total bitch. I was frame evil,another chapter has begin.
I had cause an innocence,pure guy hurt,badly. I'm sorry for him.
I just need a longer time to get over the break up. I just need someone who really understand. My friends,are always there for me. But somehow,I need someone who can guide me too. Plain innocence,but deep inside,full of revenged and somewhat pain.
Emo. That's what he told me. But I just can't get over it.
I was told. I'm a great girl. I agree to a certain extent but hey,don't hope I will stay that way. People change,mind you.
Izuddin. A guy I hurt him now. I'm sorry. I'm escaping from your grip. Taufik/Nat. My belove ex. Your gone. You left me with pain.
Guilty pleasure. That's what I'm feeling. I'm done with my bad behaviour. I shall move on. With the help of friends.
My love was left once again This heart has yet to be tamed,once again No one is reading this Except for those I only trust
+ Evil. That's in me now. +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
7:10 AM
Pretending is better than showing You called. Yeah I'm glad,happy and I smile with full of,only god knows what. But I'm dissapointed,mad,hatred and yeah,still only god knows what. You've move on. You have have met her. I bet you have express your feelings for her. Why the shit you need to call me out of loneliness and ask me how am I doing? What am I suppose to answer? Fucking hell I'm doing great with someone I just met? Or fucking hell I'm missing you and like a desperate bitch for you,waiting for you like waiting for the stars to drop onto my hand? And why wait for my messages? You jolly well know what I would message you and that can hold you back with sympathy for me. I swear it irks me. And I swear this pain will only wear off when I found a new hobby and maybe new friends. Enough killing me?? Huh?? You can paste that heart of yours with a new piece of paper easily. What about me? It takes a longer time to heal,motherfucker! You asked and tell me I'm pretending. What the fuck?!? Am I suppose to show that I'm weak and can't live without you? I'm gaining my dignity and self-esteem. Someone told me,better off to lose someone you love rather than your dignity and self-esteem. I have N'level to sit for. You and your fucking O's. Ask that bitch to call you every now and then and entertain you. I'm not blaming you for letting go of me. I gain pain I lose you. That's it. Atleast I don't gain shame and lose almost half of my life. I won't be dumb enough to fall for your fucking tricks. You want to tell me you feel? Yeah you do but why now after you walk off of my life? What can I do? I can't call my dearest love anymore. I can't console you with sweet words. We are merely friends after love. Now,I really hate the term,lovers to friends. Its akward and ya,hurts. This is life as someone told me this. This is relationship. Risk,like you said,my ex lover. Now I'm taking this fucking risk to fucking type this thing so you can know,you can move on with peace. Don't think about us or our memoirs. The hell with. You left me with memoirs,that's for sure. The songs we use to sing,hell I must say,only god knows. I'm not treating you as a bastard. Neither I hated you. I'm just dissapointed,sad and such. Let people say your a bastard. I use to be a bastard in the eye of your friends'. The hell I just don't care as I realise,it is my mistake. I'm typing nonsense. And again,I'm sorry my darling friend. Now,I pity you. To my this friend of mine,sorry. Hehehe.. I know I shouldn't post this but yea.. Better let him know.. You are the councillor I met. I love your advice. I am a strong girl. And I am moving on without you now. Happy? + Shut up and just move on with your new bitch. +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
11:31 PM
p.s... do you know what day is today?? a day that is suppose to be happy about.. but now.. it has end.
.I Wrote This Shit.
10:55 PM
Picture Now,my laptop is fully fresh! I have update it with a new software. And put in more pictures. Each picture holds a story. I remember where it took place. But do you? Ok I think I better stop this memories! This hell person will kill me,I swear! Ahahahaha!!! Okie. I went to geylang that Saturday the 6th,and there's alot of blonde fuck that day! I swear the minah there irritates me. But the 'thiam' people are very friendly and kind eventhough they look fierce and scary. Hehehe.. During this holy month,I get to think peacefully and much wiser. I get to study much better. At first,I felt so sick and weak. I can't even eat. After I surrender myself to the 'one' above,I tend to smile and my patience is back once again. Nowadays,I've become much more flirtish. Ahhahahaha!! Kini,hariku indah dengan seorang teman yang selalu membuatku senyum.. Seorang teman yang membuat hatiku tenang dan tabah Bulan di langit menerangi hidupku Tiada sesiapa akan tahu perasaan sebenarku.. Jika ku tahu kau pernah mencintaiku,akan ku tukar arah.. I'm evil. I'm naughty. But I'm still the hyper active Khairiyah. +You've make a difference+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Friday, September 5, 2008
12:25 AM
The different side of me..
Mirror image.. What lies beneath those faces.
English paper is finally over! Now,I have to focus more on Maths and Science and of course History. Beng! I may need your help in Maths and Physics. Chemistry.. Anyone?? Hehehe..
Starting from next week,there will be coaching all day. Must do well for the sake of my friends,my parents and of course my future!!!
I have sorted out my goals. After N'levels,I will be handling my dance crew. Next,learn how to play guitar. Of course I will be finding for jobs. I need money to buy a guitar and of my full time lover,ciggies!!!
I want to smoke sheisha!!! Anybody?? Hehehe.. I'm freaking bored and can't sleep.
Sing me a lullaby and put me to sleep
A kiss on my forehead,dreams ever so wonderful
The sky is much clearer now.. I can see the little lights much brighter..
I miss shopping larh.. Nevermind.. When I work and earn money,I shall shop till I'm condemned. Hehehe...
+ I'm Khairiyah and always will be. Don't try to change me for who I am. +
.I Wrote This Shit.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
9:12 PM
Panicked every morning. It wasn't a dream..
Social studies was a disaster! Neither of the topic that I revised came out but else the topics I took lighly came out. Shit! I'm going to fail! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
There he stood infront of me with his fierce smile.. Holding me in his arm.. So warm and cuddly.. I don't know what I'm thinking. I use to say this to him that whenever I miss him,I would look at the sky and imagine that his here by my side. But everytime I do that,I tend to get so emotional. Don't think letting go is easy. Its painful and its cracking your brain.
Pictures meant a thousand words. I have lots in my wallet,my handphone,my photo album,my mind. Whats more? How am I suppose to ignore when... I don't know what else to say. His at the other side of the gate now. And I'm still stuck.
Do you know? Do you know what I'm thinking? Do you know?
I swear I miss you,my dearest love.. Nat.
+You blew off the candles that brigthens my way..+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
7:50 PM
Time has yet to fix this shattered pieces.. You took off the ring from my finger. Left me speechless. Angry,dissapointed,pain. Don't think letting go is easy. This is your decision. I gain pain. I lose hope. Its hard to stop this tears from flowing out. And there you step out of this chapter of mine. Few were happy,but one understand. To that guy who has been giving advices,I must say,thanks. I owe you lots. You're a great friend. I shall move on,as this is what you wish. My wish for you,wake up and realise what you have done. I'm not naming you as a bad person. But hey,popularity won't get you anywhere. I haven't finish my part as your gf. Thus,its done. Too bad you can't fulfill my hopes and dreams. But I'm fulfilling your wish. Happy? Your free now. Nothing can stop you anymore. I really don't wish to see your face. Its hurts. You just don't know how I'm feeling right now. I have step into a place where I'm sitting for N'level. Right now,I lost my Social Studies note! I'm panicking. I'm off to meet Faeza. I want to pass this subject though! +Stop appearing in my mind. It really hurt. Jerk+
The different side of me..
