> My unseen sins

~~Friday, August 31, 2007~~

3:42 PM

My longing wish...

I saw him. The one I have always missed since the day he left me. I heard
people say that his here,in school. My heart beat faster and faster. I've longed
to meet him.

As I walk pass him,we stare at each other. Those charming face and his fragrance,
making me feel like hugging him and tell him that I missed him. I talked to his friends'.
They remembered me and they told me they miss me. Oh how sweet of you all.

I went in to the toilet and cried. I cried his name. I tried to talk to him but I'm just
too scared to do so. His acting so cold towards me eversince then. Maybe,I missed
him so much. It has been more than 8 months since I last saw you.

Would you atleast talk to me like we use to when we were friends'?
Would you do that on my birthday this year?
Could you sing me a song,for one last time?
Till then,I shall not ask for more. And maybe it won't be a heartache if I were to see you once again...

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Wednesday, August 29, 2007~~

11:18 PM

Differentiate..

Let's differentiate the meaning of "you love him/her 'cause you need him/her" and
"you need him/her 'cause you love him/ her". It makes alot of different.

The first phrase means that you wanted to feel that you are needed which then you
try to love him/her. The second phrase means that you need him/her which than
love would grow for him/her. Understand??

So which is which that you are going through you relationship?? Try to wonder about
this and you know which phrase is right for you.

And ya,happy birthday to my dearest NAT!! I hope you liked the gift I made for you dear.
Anyway dear,your needed not wanted. Which then,I love you.. Ehehehe..

And another tiring day awaits. Which is TODAY! I have to help around with the preparation
for teachers' day.. So,I'm off to enter the world of dreams. Goodnight..

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, August 27, 2007~~

9:58 PM

And I hope..

I have planned out what to do this Wednesday. And yet I'm nervous. Nervous if
it turn's out that he don't really liked it. Oh nevermind. Let's face it. I actually tried
my best. Sorry if it turn out gloomy dear.

And I also hope that she would call you like what you have stated in your blog. If
that makes you happy,why I can't be happy for you? Am I right? I know,I tend to
think negative most of the times'. But to reconsider it again,its you I love and I shall
be happy for you in things' that you do. I guess,I think too much and tends to get so
emotional. Sorry dear,about todays' incident. I may hate the way you react towards
me but then I should have understand you better than just to point my view towards
your attitude. But still,it dosen't stop me from loving you tau tau tau sygku..

Well,I may be weak at heart and such. And may cause you to think that I would ask
for an end anytime time. But then,honestly,once I loved a person dearly,I won't let that
person go. I would then try to make things better and learn to understand that person even
better. I never gave up hope. Even though you are diff from other guys I knew,come what may
as I will take up the challenge to prove you that I love you..

Till then,I have my way in changing. Lalalalalalala...

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, August 25, 2007~~

12:33 PM

Pulling myself together. Reflecting on my ownself.

Crying is useless,Khai. You have to be strong if you want this situation get much
better. I know nothing can always be perfect like you always want,Khai. But you have to
learn to be more independant and to think more wisely. Those fear makes you scared
and have always hold you back. Not only you actually gone through those pain,but
so does he,and the others' out there. Let the past be the past. Make the future much
more better. You don't have to be physically strong but emotional strong. You can't
hide from getting to be shouted or scold when its actually your fault. Like people said,
learn from your mistake. Don't do the same mistake again if you know what will happen
next.

And again,I'm reflecting on my ownself. I know I loved him,yet I'm scared. Scared if the past
would eventually repeat. To think again,the past won't repeat if we realise our mistake and
we make the future much more better. Fights,we all can't avoid from fighting. It always
happen to all family,friends' and even relationship. Even after marriaged. It normal,nothing
different.

I'm asking my free time tomorrow to meet him and to talk through things.
I may not understand what you are going through but I will try to make things better for you.
Spit out everything you have in mind and heart.
Cry your' heart out as I'm going to be there to wipe your' tears away..

And like they say,if your' first you don't succeed,you can dust it off and try again.
If you fall back,stand up once again to achieve what you want.

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, August 23, 2007~~

6:31 PM

Messed up.

I have always messed things up. Mostly,family and relationship. My conflicts between
my parents has yet to be settle,but I know they will never understand my situation.
My conflict with Nat,just a sudden. And I know its my fault. You were in no mood,so do
I. You got lots of things in mind,so do I. You never gave me any problems,but I did. I'm sorry
for my mistake. I'm just too sick of hearing the other girls' name. And I burst out everything
from my mind and heart.

I'm too weak to pull myself together. I cried alot today. Aji shouted at me,and I cried softly
inside. Mum blamed me for not helping her with the chores. But I totally forgot about the
chores as I was busy studying.

It seems that everything I do is a mistake. But I know,loving him isn't a mistake. My heart cries for his name. His the only person I'm thinking now. I just love him so dearly..

My cheeks are wet with my tears now. And the only for me to calm down is cry. If only
he is beside me right now,I would want to hug him tight and wish that I wouldn't let
him go..

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, August 21, 2007~~

7:33 PM

State it clear.

What with the irresponsible and selfish of him being in a relationship with me while he still loves his ex-girlfriend? Me having a low self value to accept him though knowing he still loves his ex-girlfriend?? What are you trying to say arh?? I know how I feel. Jealousy and to think that he took me to just forget his ex-girlfriend. But to think again,I myself do actually miss my precious ex-boyfriend. What for do I have to be jealous and such?? I ever did that mistake once,being with this one guy just to forget my ex-boyfriend and to kill those pain. But it was a mistake. It dosen't affect to me only,but to the partner itself too. I heard his pain before. I know my mistake dearly. I even had enough of hurting others. And I do have my own self value. Fuck your words! And I know Nat isn't being irresponsible and selfish. You don't even know whats going on and yet just point out the un-fact.

Patience?? I have my patient limit. As long as he don't fool around with me and faking his love towards me,then that shall be fine. And as far as I concern that he is sincere and faithful in this relationship,which then goes to me too. And I know that I trusted him and I know that I love him deep in my heart.

Ex-girlfriend,ex-boyfriend. They are the precious people in our life in the past. They taught us alot. They bring wonderful memories. And I know to the certain extent that its not wrong to miss somone we used to love dearly before. And I know that I can't stop the person from forgetting the past as I myself can't forget that precious person too. If you understand yourself,then you will know how to understand the other partner. Therefor I shall say,its not being fair or unfair but to understand each other well. And I'm not worried about him missing his ex-girlfriend. 'Cause nothing last forever and I know we won't last forever. There's always an end towards everything,even your life.

And I'm wondering why you nameless creatures have to bring this matter up? Do you even know me and Nat well? Well enough that you can actually state your point in our relationship without having your rights and wrongs. I don't want to get things worse. I'm just stating my own point of view. And I wonder who you guys are. Why don't you just put your own name? Ashamed if you actually point us in a wrong way? Or your name is actually "nil". And to passerby,I may not know if you are actually a passerby or not but then how come you can actually know what the situation is all about? What if you actually point it out in a wrong way? If only you are a passerby then think again. If not,then you and that person called "nil" can live under on roof. In malay,"korang boleh duduk satu bumbung larh deii!"

And I'm done speaking my mind out. To my dearest Nat,like I used to say,come what may. For I know that I really do love you. Till then..

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, August 14, 2007~~

5:46 PM

This is just random. I have nothing to say anymore. Those knive has
stabbed my heart. I wish I could run away from the world...

here it goes...

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, August 7, 2007~~

6:15 PM

And today's the day.

Happy One Month Anniversary my love! And same goes to all
those couples who falls on the same date. Thanks for all the wishes my
dearest friends'!

To my love,thanks for the gift you gave. Those word touches my heart
which then tears flowing down my cheek. So sweet of you to actually went there
just to get me those sand. My dear,this may be words I'm typing right now but
I'm sincere in telling you this. I'll be by your side no matter what. Come what may.
I'll stand by you. Even you're going through those hurtful memories of yours' or
any obstacle that you can't get through. I may not know what you are thinking
or how hurtful you are feeling. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't try to run from me
'cause I will never let you go 'till ever. For you're the precious one among others.
I need you and only you in my life. And I don't think I can take the blow if you
were to leave me. Till then I love you,my dearest Taufik...

__________________________________________________________

Those understanding and trust. My pain towards my parents.

And again,I'm totally hurt to those word they told me. Don't they trust me anymore?
Am I that bad? Even if you listen to what I have to say,you never gave me the rights
yet you said I'm being rude to you. I can't be listening to you to all those things you demand
ok. I know you are still holding the responsibility as a parent but why can't you understand
what I'm going through? Why?! I'm so sick of your words. Everytime I asked you the
permission to go out with my friends' or my love ones,you always gave the same answer.
"No! Dok umah jek. Takyah nk kluar dgn kwn kau tu!" Oh how hurtful to hear those
sentences. I'm bored sitting at home having nothing to do. Telling me to study and study
and help mum out with the chores and such. I'm not the housewife here! I can't be sitting around at home looking my younger sister's and brother's. I always thought of leaving them at home alone but I pity them. 'Cause I know I'm responsible for them no matter what. And I know they wanted to see their sister to acheive her goal. Even though they are still young and fresh,not knowing how I feel,but I have to remember,they are my siblings. I have only them,four of them. Even though mum and dad is busy with work and such. Haish.. If only I wasn't born,I guess I won't be a trouble to you,my parents.

And I'm looking forward to my classmate chalet this Friday. If I don't go,I will be missing
those fun. Haish..

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Monday, August 6, 2007~~

8:52 PM

Mixed emotions.

And I'm back from a week and two days not updating
my blog. I'm just so stress to switch on this laptop of mine
and confide in here. It feels like confiding or not,still my problem
can never be solved.

Tomorrow's date is 07/08/07. Happy one month anni to
Hadi and Nabilah, Aliff and to your gf and us. Hehe.. And also
to those who their anni falls on that same date too.
Didn't realise that tomorrow me and Nat has been together
for a month. Aww.. I just love him. Sorry dear if I didn't get you
anything 'cause your b'day is in 3 weeks' time and I'm planning to use
that money for something. Hehe..

Congrats' to my other 3 girlfriends' who has been in a relationship
recently. But I have to advise you,Faeza. Don't drag the past to your
new love one. It will affect you two and the possibility is breaking up
which will then hurt you more. Try to forget the past and move on.
I know,they(our 2006 treasured bf) used to be the best but you can't
asked someone to be like them or treat you like they use to treat us.
You just have to accept reality. Which then I've just learned to accept
the reality. And I'm only loving my one and only. Which means I have
forgotten Sallimi. Weee...

My family hasn't been solved yet. Like usual. Nevermind. And
pity him,he can't use the comp for some reasons. Aww.. Its hard for me
to know what's bothering him without him updating his blog. As his blog
is the place where he can confide too. Till then I'm off to update his blog.

Make my day with your crappish thoughts
Kill my sorrow with your gift of one liners

I'm crazy about you ok? Which means I'm so in love with you.

.I Wrote This Shit.