i'm just lazy to switch on the laptop and update this bloggie.exam has started and i have yet to cope with alot of subjects especially Maths and Physics.thanked God Zahran is there to helped me with Maths.and my friends to help me with Physics.and once exam is over,holidays strike.hell yeah people!and during that holidays,i've planned with my friends to played 'pool'.and the betting is still on ok,Muffy??hehe..and so,beside's that game,i have yet to cope up with studies for end-year-exam.just to be ready.and yeah.hope to spent more time with my besties Faeza and Zahran.and to meet my ex-colleague Netty,Surya,Rascal and Dee.miss them.and before the holidays end,i need to buy a new pair of school shoes,hair clips and hope for a new school bag.and ya.not forgetting.the cheerleading.geesh.i don't think i have that time to celebrate holidays with my friends.haha!well,its ok.i guess it wouldn't pull too much of my plan.and when school is over,which is during the year end holidays,i'm off to work.as usual.work,work and work.then i can treat my friends and loved ones and i can buy new hot tees.oh well.let's stop here.and still,a dream i have yesterday is a dream that will always make me happy.i wish it would come true somehow.but i guess,it won't.haha!lets end here with a word that makes my day,complicated.=) [get it??]
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Friday, April 27, 2007
7:41 PM
its hard to find a perfect background.i want to redo all this thing but it takes alot of my time.maybe i will edit this thing during june holidays.but now,lazy and yet i have to study for the upcoming exam.today paper were like fuck though.i make alot of mistake for formal report.i bet i'm going to fail this time.and yeah.i'm getting bored.atleast sahar is there to entertain me.haha.thanks bro.oh ya.my ladies,thanks for making me smile today.i wasn't in the mood though.hurhur.hugs and kisses to you my bitches.syg korang.let me end with this one word.miss.=(
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
7:22 PM
My day was like fuck.
Really got no mood to go to school.
But I have to as I need to catch up with
my studies. And so,my morning
was making me so irritated.
Faeza and Khaleeda is absent for school
for some reason. And so I have to go to school
alone. Haishh..
It was cold and I have to bring my jacket.
Slept for the first
period. Having headache. And
yeah. For MT,I actually did the work for the
first time this year.
I don't know what's on my mind.
And so,recess was so boring. I didn't eat.
Never want to eat. Saving money
before November falls. I want to buy for mum white
pearl's and a cake for her birthday.
And so. After school,went to Faeza house with
Khairi and Maziana to send her books and meet Khaleeda
to give her books too. Smoke a while with Khairi
and went back to school to have
Maths with Mr Desmond.
Finally I get the steps to those graph. But not for others.
Ended at 3pm and went home immediately.
So tired. After a shower,went to sleep.
And now,getting ready for my exam tomorrow.
And I lost my pencil case. FUCK.
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Monday, April 23, 2007
8:54 PM
Fight with mum.
Like fuck sia. Hate it.
Yeah. I know. I'm useless.
Having a girl in this family is no use.
Ya. True. Then?
Why you actually bother taking care of me
when I was born? You can throw
me to the rubbish bin perr. More better. Don't need
to live. Having no sin in this world.
I'm always useless. Always. And always a forgetful. Never remember
a single thing at chores.
I'm lazy. So??
Seriously. I'm so sick of living
in this house. All blamed me. Fuck sia.
If I'm useless,then stay home and do the fucking chores at home.
You don't need to go work what.
Dad is working.
And when did I ever asked you money everyday?
I asked when I need to buy something
for school's. Not what I want. And even when I said I want
a guitar,it doesn't mean I want it now
or tomorrow.
Only when you can afford to buy for me.
You are making me sick of this nonsense larh. You always
blame my friends as I'm being rude.
Heyy. I'm not. I'm just
stating what is fact. And telling you what I want
from you. All I want is
your trust and understanding.
You don't trust me that well. You always said
I have boyfriends. But now no more okie?? Don't any how
say larhh. I've stop this relationship
and only want to concentrate on studies and to acheive
what I want to be.
You never give those time to spent with friends.
I always feel left out when I'm with them. They talk about their day out
while I actually don't know what happen.
You are trapping me.
Counselling sucks. And I don't think
I want to have another counselling about this anymore.
Stupid.
I rather sit and watch the day past by.
Parents,so sensitive as they becoming old.
Being an idiot in school just to show I'm ok also no use. Still pain
in heart.
Haishh...
Like people say. Patience..
Evn though they sucks,but still,they are our parents.
Our flesh and blood. The only
one that can always love you for who you really are.
I guess I have to take those words just to make me calm down.
There goes another
problem in my life once again...
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
8:00 PM
Staring out of the window.
Thinking..
Of those question that was left unanswered.
So confused..
I wonder,
Why does life actually be in so much despair
Then happiness..
The one we hope and wished for,
Would somehow leave us.
The one we played on and hate,
Would somehow need us in their life.
Is this a game?
Or karma?
Is this reality?
Or dream?
One word.
Lost.
Lost in this life of mine.
Some people say that we need to do something to acheive.
But what happens if we fail?
Never give up?
But..
Never mind. So much to think about.
I just love to spent the time.
Looking out the window
Or staring at the sky
Thinking of all those thing that happen in my life.
I rather sit down and kept silently
Then to actually search for it.
You know. Love.
It make me had enough of this thing
When actually most of the guy I love left me.
And I don't know why
I actually love to repeat this thing
again and again.
Stupid.
But what to do. Bored.
And I need help to answer this possibility.
Can you help??
Haha. No,I guess.
Only God can answer this,I guess.
Oh ya. Miss Singapore Universe.
Most of the ladies aren't hot. And I hope their
brains are working. Merepekness..
Too much to say.
Daaa...
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
9:41 PM
My life is boring,
each and everyday. No CCA's.
No work. Haish..
I miss working days. I miss my long
wavy hair which actually
keeps me busy doing sorts of style with does hair.
CCA's?? Well,I do
kinda miss NCC. Where marching
and doing PT's is the best
part. Being tortured. Haha. Especially
cheerleading. I love to dance. And so,by joining
cheerleading is the way I can actually be active in dancing and being the
flyer. This year,there will be another cheerleading
for EVSS. The hits is on 24th June. And
if we make it to the final's,its on 26th June. Anyone interested in
joining?? Just see me in school.
And oh yeah,we need the boy's too. That's what Mrs Wallcott
wanted. We want the best
for the school anyway. We didn't making for the
Cheerobics in 2006. Hope we can get to final's by working hard.
Hmm...
Heyy Lyza,dah single ehk? Haha.
Its wonderful that actually you had escape from
that freaking jerk. Guys are always a jerk
Haha. And ya,don't actually fall into boy's trapped again.
Think twice before having another relationship.
Or even you don't need a man in your life actually. Even though being
single is bored but heyy having relationship can be the
fuckiest thing ever. To some people,their love can be wonderful. But not for me
anymore. Nyahahahaha. I ever wonder if being with
a "BUTCH" is much way better
than being with REAL guys. But nehh. Single is the best way.
Nyahehehehe...
Wish you couples out there
an everlasting love. Envy you couples though. Haha.
Take cares. Much love..
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
9:04 PM
Exam is
getting near. And I need
someone to help me with E-Maths.
I hate when Mr Desmond actually take over
Mr Tan. I drop in Maths eventually.
I don't understand what is that
Desmond is teaching.
I guess I will not be able to make it this time.
Haish..
School was ok today.
Just bored when it comes to Mother
Tounge lessons. I would either sleep or do some poems.
Not interested in Mother Tounge lesson
anymore.
And so. Since my handphone was given back,
sms all day. But with this stupid guy.
Haish.. Malas nak layan tu jantan. Sorry arh boy but
I have to reject you. I'm not interested in
relationship larh. I had enough of
this thing.
And so. I'm bored now.
Nothing much to say now. Off to sleep then.
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Monday, April 16, 2007
8:29 PM
Atlast,
my handphone was given back
last Friday. A smile of happiness that I actually
had my handphone back for more
than month I can say. I don't care about what
my parents say when they came down to school.
Scold me. I have my phone back. I don't care.
After those conversation with Ms Santha,I switch that sweet thing
in my hand. Macam aper gitu kan.
But who cares. This handphone is the only thing that can
actually accompany me when I'm bored.
But,after those smiling,a frown on my
face suddenly appeared.
A picture actually appeared. A picture that was actully
set as wallpaper in my phone.
There lies a guy I actually love. With his sweet smile.
I held back my tears. I don't want
to show my friends that I'm weak to actually cry for a guy.
Seriusly,I don't want to bring up the past.
He,whom I actually been missing,has found another girl.
Hmm..
6 messages was received from the past few weeks.
Missed smsing Zahran. A friend for more than a year and yet haven't
know his face.
Alot of messages I haven't deleted. Most of his messages
I kept. This messages and those roses with
that little bear are just left with memories. I can't bear to actually throw that
away.
Trying to be strong all times. I can't spare another tears.
And I read this one sms. Its about the star and about never to leave me.
Haish.. You said that star can never fade. A symbol of our love.
That star isn't fading. But..
I can't say anything now. I just have to wait for the time
to actually cure my pain in this heart.
And to this someone else,I'm sorry I can't accept you this time.
I had enough of everything dearest. Thanks for
actually love me. Appreciate it. But I don't need it from you.
You can say you aren't the typical guy like those creep out there
but hey,ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS ok??
Hmm.. Day by day,this blog
is becoming suckish. No more interesting things to
write. My life is so boring.
I had enough with smoking. Can't stand with this sickness
of mine. Its painful when you actually cough then vomit blood.
Giving away that pack.
Oh ya. Lyza,ignore that creep larh. He is
so ego. He dosen't respect you. He even hurt you.
Freak larh tu Ayie. Dah larh gemuk mcm babi. Step maner pe
gangster. Stakat badan besar jekk.
He isn't for you larh Lyz. Akm is far more better than Ayie.
Serius sia. Even though Akm has those tattoos and piercing,atleast
he have that heart. Don't cry no more ok Lyz?? Atleast you have
Faeza and me. =)
Till here I stop typing.
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
8:22 PM
Today,everything was fine.
My chemistry teacher caught me smoking as
I actually run from class
and go toilet smoke. Come back,I smell ciggerettes.
So she finds out. She told me not to smoke for one week and next week
she will bring me to office for those smoker-lizer.
I don't know how to spell larh kan.
But,I don't think I can't tahan for a week seh. I really
want to stop. My mum knows I smoke.
So I need to watch my step. I don't want my dad to know siah.
Die. So maybe I take this one week as a chance to
really stop smoking.
About today DT,it is so like FUCK! I can't
understand those numbers. I mean I don't understand what those
question wants. Seriouly,I need help. Help
for E Maths,Chemistry and History. These subjects that I'm weak
at at. And before those SA arrive,
I better bucked up and stop those fooling around.
I hope mum would apply for me that maths tuition in Afghan,Tampines.
And I need friends to help me with Chemistry and History.
Do tell me for those who are
willing to help me. I will treat you. I promise.
=)
And today's assembly is so
like fun and funny. I like those rythm.
But the best part when those 5 boys went to stage.
Mepek seh.
And there stands Faiz Amy,Syahmir,Hafiz Gig,Wan Khai
and Faris RFF on the stage.
They did quite well.
The best was Faiz Amy. Haha!
Show off for his move but then its the best.
Cool.
Oh ya. I want a tounge piercing but
I'm scared my parents will find out. Haish..
Kecoh arh..
Ok then. I want to do some work out as I'm getting
fat. No more snacks from now on.
Ergghhh!
+thoseROSES+
.I Wrote This Shit.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
8:12 PM
Okey. Today was like
a fucking day for me. My plan is ruined sia.
'Cause of my damn father,I can't go out.
Irritating tauu. I thought of going to Penin' to have a look at those
guitars. But.. Ergghh!
Hmm.. Yesterday was public holidays.
So me and my family went to have a picnic. Thought of going East Coast
but the parking lot was full. So,in the end,we
went to Pasir Ris park.
Didn't eat much. I just hate food. So,I played soccer with my cousin
and dad.
Hmm.. I want to thanks Lyza,Faeza and Ayie
for always making me smile even though my heart is still struggling to
forget him. And I don't look at other guys. Even though
they are hot. Haha. Oh ya.
To Ayie and the band-mates,thanks for trying to buy
me a guitar.
And also to you Lyz. But heyy,when I work
and get my pay,I will treat you tauu. And I will also treat my class mate
and those loved ones.
I can't actually stop smoking sia. Kiwak.
Sakit jantung aku.
Ehk,I noticed,I've been speaking vulgarities now.
Haiyoo.
Oh ya. To my dearest friend,
my dearest classmate,who always give me a stick
of ciggerettes. Who isn't selfish,who always have those sweet smile.
Who have that stupid jokes to make others laugh,
who have that talent to make noise
on the table and who always make trouble around Tampines.
I'm glad to know you,to be friends and to have meet such wonderful person
like you. Those 2 yrs and 4 months we've been friends,
and now you have to leave the world.
I wonder,why you have to leave the world before me.
As you know,I wish I could die sooner. I don't want to see those faces of
the ones I love.
But,I guess,there's a reason to all of this.
To you my dearest friend,Punithan,
may you rest in peace.
And there goes the one I always love as a friend.
Now,I want to do some poems at my second blog.
Take care to all loved ones.
mySICKstory.
.I Wrote This Shit.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
6:44 PM
Sport's day is so the merepek.
Tiring. My cheerleader's kental. The merepekness.
Make-up jek lebih. Cheer pon takder.
Hmm. And actually,I miss him.
You know who larh kan. I miss him so much.
My girlfriends told me to just confront him and tell him I miss him.
But I don't have the guts to do that.
What's more. Everytime he online,I want to chat with him
but tears would just rolled down my cheek.
Haish..
Why can't I actually forget him??
Damn it.
Tomorrow. No school. Good Friday.
Planned to go town with Faeza and don't know larh who will be
following. It's been months since I stepped town.
Still having that headache.
Tried to eat medicine. Bluekk. Yucks..
I've quit smoking.
Seriously do.
And ya. Ayie,the band name merepek arh.
Let's change it larh.
You live in Ang Mo Kio??
Wah. Jauh nyerr. How to jam like this??
You come Tampines larh and jam. You need to teach me guitar tauu.
I will try to improve.
And about Lyza?? Itu lain cerita. I'm just helping her. =)
Hmm. Nothing more to say. But I have to say this.
I miss Abdullah Nashrun.
=(
mySICKstory.
.I Wrote This Shit.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
1:00 PM
I'm damn sick.
Vomit blood alot of times.
Headaches are killing me.
My pestering me to eat medicine.
I'm stubborn. I don't want any medicine.
My medicine is him.
Haish..
Khairiyah,why can't you just let everything go?
Let him be. Don't think he still care for you.
He is in love with someone else.
He played on you.
You are stupid Khairiyah.
This is the second time you had this pain in you.
Yet,you still want to belief in love.
Love is just a game.
I just hate everything in this world.
Nothing can cure my pain.
How I wish I could turn back time and make things right.
I really do love you.
I've reliease that its you that I need,dear.
Haish..
Why do all good things come to an end?
You said we could be friends.
But I can't accept that. I hate this phrase,"Lovers to friends"
I tried not think of you. But I miss you much,much more.
I can't stop crying. Everytime I think of us,I would take 5 sticks. And I would
vomit blood. I don't listen to no one. Mama force me to eat
medicine. I would vomit it all once again.
I tried to forget it all. But its just so hard. Why??
Why everytime I love that someone and that person
would just step out of my life??
If only I have a wish.
And that is to take my life away from this miserable
life of mine. I don't wish to see those
faces again. I don't wish to know them. I don't wish to cry anymore.
I cry silently. I cry inside of me. I cry hopelessly.
'Cause I know I never breathe your love again.
I really can't stand a day without you.
'Till day I know you,'till the day we become strangers again.
All I have to say,I thanked God I finally have the chance to know you.
I finally had enough. My last love to blossom. My
fullest love for you. I've given you my heart.
You gave me the roses and that little teddy bear. On the date of 14/02/'07.
I accept you in my life at the date of 19/02/'07.
I still keep that little present you gave. And those memories we had.
I still keep those promises to you. For not being a butch. And stopped
the slitting.
From love,we have to apart. You have to let me go.
And I don't get your reason why.
I'm happy to since have you. And to know your family members.
From the day you call me your angel,your everything.
'Till the day you said you had to let it go. I know I'm not your angel.
I know I'm not your everything.
And even though you lied,I tried to forgive.
And now if I have the money,I want to pay all those prepaids you pay
for.
I can't help to forget all those time we had.
And I can't forget someone special like you.
Thanks to my friends for helping me to get through these situation.
You may see me smile. But you can't see how my heart shattered apart.
Your name is written in my heart now.
Nothing can erased that.
See you along the streets if we are fated to meet.
See you in heaven if we aren't meant to meet again.
Thanks for faking your love. Thanks for faking your words.
And thanks for making me to had enough of all this things.
