> My unseen sins

~~Wednesday, March 28, 2007~~

6:37 PM

I'm so lost right now.

I've lost Faeza. The one I always share my

secrets,my problems. But now,I don't know where to tell

my thoughts and feeling. I've cried enough. No one will understand how I feel.

I feel like I even lost Nash. The one I only love.

The one that always brighten my day. I've done enough.

I hurt him too much. I've given him enough problems. I'm

too blame. Why do I even exist in their live? Why

do I even exist in this world??

All those wishes are just dream. You can just dream all the way

you want. But it isn't reality.

Patience.

That is what a counseller told me.

Fate.

This is what he told me.

Karma.

This is what friends told me.

Do I have patience? Do I believe in fate and karma?

Yes. I do.

But patience is killing me. Fate is making me miserable.

Karma is giving me revenge.

I keep failing on this. I tried to be strong.

I'm not Khairiyah you know now. I'm weak. I'm useless. I'm such a troublemaker.

All I do is cry.

Oh God. When will this miserable life of mine would end??

I had enough. There would be no "another perfect day"

for me.

If Nash were to leave me. Please of please.

I'm begging you God. Take my soul away from this world.

He is the only one I could only hope for.

Haish..

"To me,I prefer Sallimi. He treats you damn well."

I'm sick of this sentence ok? Stop it. I've forgotten him.

I'm moving on.

I know. You friends can see me how I miss 2006 life.

Where everything runs smoothly.

But I can actually understand. After a long think from the top of the building.

Staring at the sky. Where the wind passes my body.

It make me realise.

Its something that you actually need to remember.

God isn't unfair. We are lucky to have clothes to wear.

To have branded stuff. To be sent to school to study. To have taste various type

of food. And to actually have a home.

If you wear to see the kids

at Aceh,Indonesia,or some other countries,

they have no proper wear. No shoes.

Not enough food. No proper shelter. I'm feel lucky enough

that I'm here being protected and have a proper wear.

Now I know. Life is a challenge. Not even a single person would be living a life

without miserable and stress or depressed.

Let's just take up the challenge and move on.

cheers. =/

.I Wrote This Shit.