> My unseen sins

~~Wednesday, February 28, 2007~~

8:21 PM

...Just Loving Him...

Being with him for more than a

week really brightens my day. He is more than

what I expected. What I can say is

that I love him more than

I used to love Sallimi. Seeing Sallimi is making my heart more

pain. But when I look at the pictures

of me and Nash would make me smile like

a mad girl. I can see my

little ones is happy to see me happy once

again. My second

sis told me that she was proud that there

has no more sliting on hands or anywhere. And of course,

my parents always ask me to eat

once I reach home. Haha!

I'm happy with my friends

like always. Mai told me I've change a little. I'm not

a crazy girl anymore. Its been a

week I didn't do any idiots action. I've been wanting to change

since last year but it

just won't work. Untill I found Nash. Oh,I'm

madly in love with him. If I were to leave him,I would

definitely be stupid. He never fails

to make me smile. And yeah,Eza give me a kiss on the lips

AGAIN! Yeayy! Haha! Oh yea,Eda,sorry I can't go school late with you.

I'm just to lazy to wait and of course if

my parents knew,

I would be dead! Well,school wasn't fun at

all. PE always killing me. Stupid

teacher. Then at canteen,meet Scharwin and Fadillah. Oh I really

miss them alot! Miss the times we

used to joke around. Memories. Well,I'm leading

ahead. No more turning back. Only destiny would choose.

All I want now is to have a happy

and healthy relationship with him. A happy days with

my friends. And a happy family. Hehe.

Oh I almost forgot. To Akid,Danial and Aida,I support you

throughout the EV Idol. Beat the rest,show them what you've got.

So bring it on people!

I guess I'm ending here. To all the loved ones,

especially Faeza and Nash,thanks for being there for me when

I'm in need. I appreciate in everything

that you have done. And to all my nemesis,thanks for hating

me. Thanks for showing me what its like to be hated. Now I know how

the BITCHES in the school

feels to be hatred. Everyone in this world would always

makes mistake. Nothing in this

world is perfect. Being perfect also no use 'cause people would

just talk about you. Yea. I realise

it all this year. Till then.

cheers. =)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Saturday, February 24, 2007~~

11:47 PM

Today,nothing
much happen. Just followed my
mum go work at Bukit Panjang there.
I miss Nash alot. I
wish I could meet him and hug him tight.
Well,I'm feeling
kinda scared right now. Don't
know why. Maybe,
I'm scared if someday he left me. Like Sallimi used
to leave me like that. I
don't know why I love Nash alot.
He took my heart away.
Only his name is written in my heart. I really
hope and pray that
our future is bright. We would
be together through thick and thin. Wonderful
dreams. I rather not talk
about the past 'cause its just making
my heart to ache. Thinking
of the bright future is
better. But what if all my dreams are shattered
into pieces?? Will I lost hope in myself
and just give up in
love just like that?? Well,I can't predict
my future. All I can do is to pray to God and just follow
with the flow. All I want for now
is to change the bad side of me. I really don't want
to hurt his heart. I've failed once and
i don't want it to happen again.
All I want in life is
successful in everything I do and
to have a happy relationship with him. And also
among my friends,not to
make have any fights over a tiny problems.
I wish my life could be any brighter.
Its karma I'm
going through. I've done alot
of mistake before. My family are just
fine. Only to win
my parents trust back.
Now,my mind
is not in peace. I'm feeling very cold.
Feeling so scared to face
the future. I'm scared if anything would happen.
If my dreams are
to be reached,I would die in peace.
The only person that
knows what I'm feeling now is God.
I feel like
crying now. But it will just make me go crazy.
I want a new life.
A better life. I want to be
a better girl. And still,I'm thinking of Nash.
All I want him to know is that
I love him alot.
Even though he drink or people say he
is "matrep". What matter is that I love him for
who he is. Well,I confess. I just don't like him drink. But
I can't force him. Its his life. Its
his freedom.
'Till here I end.
After writing all those thoughts
in this blogger of mine. And last of all,before I
end my this,I want to thanks
to my Blue Ladies for helping me going through my life of
doom. And also Nash. Thanks
for loving me. I'm proud to have you in
my life. You are the sweetest guy I ever met. You have
conquer my heart. Your name is
written all over my heart. I'm sorry if
I ever hurt you. I didn't meant it. I love you and only
you. Muackksss!!
cheers to all. =)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, February 22, 2007~~

6:36 PM

It has been days
since I last updated my blog. My
tagboard is full of
nonsense. Well,its my thought of thinking about Inna
that way what. I didn't even
call her names. What shit you people
giving me?? You talk about me but
then I don't care a
little. You people think you yourself
is great issit?? Oh stupid
humans. Or shall I call nameless humans??
I don't need
any sympathy from anyone
nor back ups. I know what I'm doing.
And its my life anyway.
I have enough things to cope on. I need to
win back my parents trust
and to reach my goals
and dreams. Now,people can't easily
access my blog 'cause I've change the link and only certain
people have it. Well,from the date of 31/12/06,I've thought
of starting a new chapter in
life. But no one was there to support me.
My friends?? They each have
their problems.
Since the date of 18/11/06,I've
lost half of myself. He which is Sallimi,left me. I was so lost. I have nowhere
to go. I felt so alone. The darkness
accompanied me. My used to be "best friend"
which is Hadi,was always
making me smile. And I didn't expect me and
him could be in a
relationship. I knew,me and him are just
fated to be friends. Not more than that. But now,when
he is hurt,we are like enemies. Haish. Let's not
speak about the past.
And for now,I really hope
me and Nash would last 'till the end. I don't want to
end half way through like
me and Sallimi. I'm really dissapointed
in that. My friends??
I hope they can be there for me
and share our problems
together. And I really hope that those people
who has my link to this blog
wouldn't link me or give to any
idiots out there. I gave you 'cause I trust you.
Actually,I wanted to tell what had
happen the past 5 days. Haha. But since there's always people ending
up in my way.
Okie then. I want to write poetry in my another
blog then. Toodlez. Love you
my precious people.
cheers. =)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Friday, February 16, 2007~~

8:17 PM

Oh what a day today.
I went to school with Nash. The hot guy.
Not only hot but very sweet
and humorous. We smoke first before
going to school. He make
me smile all the way. Haha!!
Went to school like usual. Make paper
cranes at the first period. After that,went for
recess. I didn't eat but just have a
drink. Not in a mood to eat.
Just make my day with laughter among my friends.
After that,there's a concert
at the hall. Kinda bored larh the concert
but well done to the dancers up there. Haha!! Then,
after everything,went to class
and paint it. The colour of orange and purple,which
wasn't like purple but more to lavender colour,was painted
in my class. And of course I helped
the boys do the job.
Got EV Idol. Shayati didn't get to the final.
Oh. Don't be sad. Akid get the finals. Oh congrats.
Then I heard,Inna get to the finals
again. WTF!! A trophy
isn't enough issit?? Haish. Went home at the the time
of 4plus. Helping with the class and of
course dancing to the beat. Music was boom
in class while working. I can't hear music. If i do I will dance
like a mad girl. Haha!!
After everything.went home and of course after
a nice bath,I sleep. Haha!!
Okie. Have to stop here. Mum has scold me for not eating more
than three days. Yeayy!!

cheers. =)

Why you need to pull a frowned face just because I left you??
I told you we are not fated to be together.
We are just meant to be friends.
I was happy to be friends with you,
But since we are together,I was never happy.
I can't explain why,
But it just wanted it to be.
I've seen through you and to find that you aren't brave,
Brave to face reality.
Thanks for all the love you gave and of course the presents.
I really treasure you,
As you are a such wonderful person.
Let's go on with our seperate life,
Let's move on with the life we use to live.
May you reach your goals that you dream.

Goodbye for now...

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Thursday, February 15, 2007~~

9:08 PM

Just leave me alone.
I'm not the girl for you. We don't belong
together. I don't feel the
love from you anymore. My heart has gone
to someone else. I didn't
meant to hurt you,but you need to
understand my feelings too. Not just yours.
What's the use if we carry on and
we suffer in life?? I'm doing these 'cause I
don't want to distract your
studies. You can say
I'm evil,a bad girl. But to tell the truth
I still miss Sallimi. Its hard
for me to accept that
me and him are enemies. Its hard
for me to replace
him with somone else. But I know someone
out there,which could be far,can replace Sallimi. And for you,I guess
you better concentrate on your studies and
don't meddle with love again.
I pray you happiness
and to pass your O'level with good marks.
Thanks for trying to make me happy. And I'm sorry that I have
to leave you. You'r frenz will always be by you side.
And especially you'r family. You'r main
true love. That's all I have to tell you.
Goodbye.

for you,HADI.

I'm desperate for ciggs!!
I only wish my life wouldn't be in such a mess...

If I have a knife,I would stop my breathing
and slit my throat. Let me rest in peace
in HELL!!

Let GOD punish me for all
my sin's.

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Wednesday, February 14, 2007~~

6:35 PM

Oh such a day today.

You peepz out there knew that

today is Valentine's Day. And I don't celebrate

Valentine's but Friendship's. I told Ezri I

don't want to celebrate it but

something happen. Something which

I will never forget. This HOT guy

which only my Blue

Ladies knew,gave me a red rose

and a cute little teddy bear! Oh! His the

first guy which give me red roses. When

he gave it to me,i was numb. I can't say a word. I

was so shocked. Oh. Such

a sweet guy! Thanks for the

roses dear. I've appreciate it alot. Glad

to know a wonderful person

like you.

And to all the loved ones.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S/FRIENDSHIP

DAY!!

cheers everyone. =)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Tuesday, February 13, 2007~~

6:19 AM

Oh mornings,loved.

Let's just hope my afternoon would

be great. What a refreshing

morning. Let's start my
day with a cup of coffee(milk). That

would keep me awake for the whole afternoon
to just focus on studies.

cheers.=)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Sunday, February 11, 2007~~

8:43 PM

Oh yea. I didn't
update my blog yesterday. It was
my day yesterday. I met
my friends whom
I used to work with. Netty treat us.
Me,my two little sister,Surya and Rascal was there.
She treat us at Food Culture
at Century Square. After eating,we talk
about the days we used to
work together. Haha!! Memories.
Then she told me that a day I cry,when
there was no customer. She
told me she was shocked that i cried suddenly.
The whole day I don't want to eat nor drink. Haha!
Well,that was because
I broke up with Sallimi. Haha! Yea.
Very hurting. You all know how much I love
him. But we are just
not meant for each other
I just. Atleast I have ALFA. I hope
me and Alfa can
last long. Ok. Forget it. Thinking of
him is useless. Coz' he have forgotten me. So let's
continue with my day yesterday.
After talking,we went to E-zone at
Tampines Mall. The kids played with their games. Netty and
Surya also played other games while
me and Rascal played Billiard. Yea. My favourite
thing to do when I'm stress. We used Netty and my mum's
IC. Good thing my mum came. If not. We can't play.
And so,I won two rounds of
the games. The last round,Rascal won.
Haha!! It was 9pm after the game
ended. So we all went home. It was sad that
we all need to leave. Rascal said that on June holidays
we would meet again and of course play
Billiard again!! Yeayy!! Can't
wait for the day to come. And yea. My Blue Ladies
plan to have a picnic one of the days in
June. Woohooooooo!!
And my day for today
is sooo BORINGG!! Just sit home,watching
TV and got nothing to do.
Eat Panadol for fun. Even though
I'm not sick. Haha!!
Crazy. Till here I end. Toodlezz!!
cheers.=)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Friday, February 9, 2007~~

7:19 PM

...pOisOn iVy & lOlitA...

...Juz the two of us...

...at Changi Airport... 02/02/07

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Wednesday, February 7, 2007~~

9:16 PM

Well,I've lots in mind. And I don't
know where to start. I've been wondering
why I need to be like this. You see,I
used to treat my loved ones well. But now I treat
them like nothing. I've seen them
being hurt by me. And I'm
really dissapoited in myself. When I read
his blog,I cry. Yes I did. I'm very emotional. I can
feel what he is going through. Yet,
I can still do this to him. Its
really unfair for him. He do understand my
position but I didn't care about
his feeling.

I'm so cruel. Totally!!! And
I'm so dissapointed in myself. Yes I do.
I'm stupid. Why I should do this?? If I said sorry,
it would be no use. Still his hurt deep inside.
Of course I love him deeply. But
I can't control my anger,
my attitude. I can't explain what happen.
No. I can't erase the thing what I've done. How could
this happen to me?? Gosh.
I've hurt him. And I wish I would fix that. I
don't want what past happen to
present again. I'm sick of this life. Got nowhere
to run. I feel like screaming!!!

Again,crying dosen't
work. I've lost my friend. Faeza,was taken
by Aisyah. Damn!!! She was
like my total TWIN! She do
what I always do. I always played the
drums,and so does she follow. Gosh. Things getting
worst each time. And I really hope Faeza
would realise her mistake. How can she
do this towards me. It really hurt me. I really
trust her,make her as my
sister,close one. But when she found
a new friend,she would
left the old one. Haish. Khaleeda,
Ummairah and myself is dissapointed in Faeza.
And of course tomorrow,I'm
going to confront Aisyah. Like I told
my friends,no one can be me. Its my life,my
wants and need. My passion and
my attitude. And
about the past,still I can't accept
what Faeza did to me. All the secret's she never
tell me else her "other BEST FRIEND" knows. Gosh.
She is so making me hurt.
And of course sorry won't make it up.
Till the day I would see you again peepz. I have
to go. See you around
in school! Toodlezz!!!

cheers.=)

.I Wrote This Shit.

~~Friday, February 2, 2007~~

8:24 PM

Well,today was a bad day for me. Firstly,
I get scolding from the Discipline Master because of
short skirt. Not only me. But me and my
three girlfriend's and also other girl's
from other batch. Haish. Then this teacher ask me to
throw my earring. Damn! Think
I get money to buy those things by selling
my body arh. I was so pissed
off by the teacher's reaction. Then Ms Santha
not happy with our skirt length
and ask us to buy a new one. I was getting more
pissed off and thought of
fighting back. But when I think twice,its us
which is in fault. But the thing
is where am I to pay the bookshop
that I owe her of the skirt?? Gosh. I guess
I have to sacrifice my lunch money just to pay them
back. If I ask my parents,they will
surely get very mad. Haish...

Well,secondly,I and my friends
fight once again! I'm really dissapointed in
Shayati. Why she need to rake up the past?? C'mon,
its way back past. Well,we know
Faeza was in the wrong and its hurting
for Khaleeda to know. But seriously its way
back behind. My wish for
this year was that all my friends
can get along. But things
becoming more worst each day. I have to cope
with studies and relationships. And
now my friends. I thought among us
is settle but. Darn it! Getting into more situation. Haish.
I just hope and pray this would end soon. I
really don't want to rake up the past and to fight
because of an old gossip. Stupid!

Next thing was,there is a
girl who was damn rude towards Mai. This is what
Mai told me. This girl said "Is my skirt short?? Why must wear
short skirt?? Oh ya. Pretty what!" She speak that in
Malay. Gosh I was so angry. If I were Mai,
I would say "Why are you black?? And why we are
white?? Not really white are but a Malay
skin tone. Being black pretty ehk? I guess." Haha!
I never give a damn to people who
is rude towards me and my friends. We don't disturb them
and yet they are being rude to us. Gosh! Has
their parent's been teaching them respct?? I guess their
parent's are just useless. I'm not saying
about you peepz out there but
this is for the one who are so rude!

I guess this is all I have to
write. Till' my next blog I have to write.
Thanks for reading it in any ways. Leave any comments
if you want to. But I hope I don't want any
rude people to tag and insult
or any other thing. You don't disturb me
and I promise I won't disturb you. Till' then.
Toodlez!!! cheers.
=)

.I Wrote This Shit.